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|Wed, 06-30-2010 - 5:15am|
Hi, I'm Xyro. I'm 34 (almost 35), and I work from home typing. I used to work as a social worker for the state, but the anxiety was overwhelming.
I used to be on Lexapro, but am currently on Buspar. I have anxiety with panic attacks. I get "overwhelmed", is what I call it. I don't really have that "dying" feeling, since I am aware of the situation; instead, I get the horrified of being in public or people seeing me have a panic attack.
I get nervous in public, always afraid I'm going to do or say something to embarrass myself or my family. I ask my husband every time we're in public or have company, after we come home, if I did anything embarrassing or I dwell on it all night to the point I can't sleep thinking if I did something or said something embarrassing.
My other big thing is my dog. I have a constant fear that someone or something is going to hurt him if he is outside, so either my husband or I stand outside with him when he goes potty and we always hook his lead on his halter before opening the door, because I am terrified that he will bolt out the door after a squirrel or other dog or kid unhooked and run off after the squirrel or whatever, which will result in him getting ran over or hurt in some other fashion. A big fear is that either a roaming dog will come in the yard and hurt him or that dog-fighter men will kidnap (dognap?) him and use him as a bait dog to train their fighting dogs. These fears go through my head every day. The only way to feel okay is to make sure he has the lead hooked on before opening the door and to stand at the door/be outside watching him.
I worry all the time, too. People make me nervous, changes in situation makes me nervous, I agonize over the cleanliness, or feeling of lack thereof, of my house. My husband is awesome, though. Wonderfully supportive and loving.
I had company three times in one week, each with only a couple hours notice. Since starting the Buspar, I have taken the edge off, but I'm still catching myself gritting my teeth or my shoulders pulled up to my ears, and I bite on the inside of my mouth constantly and the more anxious I get, the more I do it. Sometimes I catch myself doing it and well that in of itself is embarassing people looking at you and you have your lips all contorted.
Anyways, that's the "brief and short" attempt for an intro with the major things I deal with, which I really have not told anyone specifically other than "I have anxiety". I really haven't told my doctor even that little extra detail beyond that I'm wound up a lot.
So, thanks for listening, and I look forward to meeting others on the board!