Daughter like me

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2005
Daughter like me
7
Sun, 07-18-2010 - 2:41pm
I am really sad- my daughter is just like me- i have anxiety/depression issues and so does she, especially anxiety. i feel so bad.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2004
Sun, 07-18-2010 - 4:03pm

(((Hugs))) I don't have children, but have often thought about the possibility of passing on my anxious predisposition when we do have kids. I recognize that it's a possibility, but I also recognize that my experiences with anxiety and depression would help me understand and parent such a child. That makes me feel a bit better about it.

I hope you're able to let go of any guilt you're feeling. Like Jan always says, anxiety is an illness, just like diabetes or high blood pressure. You wouldn't feel guilty if you passed those along. Hurting for you child because they have to deal with it? Yes. Owning the guilt? No.

How's your daughter doing with it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2005
Sun, 07-18-2010 - 4:44pm
thanks I needed to hear that- she will graduate from college in 5 weeks after she finishes one more class-she is a great young woman but has battled anxiety for the last few years and it seems to be getting worse- of course it reminds me of me. Helping her should help me be stronger too- but i do have a tendency to feel guilt- we have all gone through alot with her younger brother. My dad was bipolar and so is my brother so i have been around mental illness all of my life. i just didnot want that for her.
Avatar for firstglimpse
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Mon, 07-19-2010 - 12:28pm

I'm right there with you :(

It would make sense her anxieties are high right now though. Who's wouldn't be? Graduating from college into this economy? Sheeze, I know around here to get a customer service job at a retail store requires a college degree now. i.e. after spending 4 hard years & a lot of money you can get a menial job that used to be given to high school students!

I just came up with an idea? What about mom & daughter going away on a 2-day meditation retreat? I just so happened to check out a DVD from the library yesterday of a retreat, that is where I just came up with the idea.... but it might be fun to go on a relaxing vacation w/DD and at the same time come home feeling more centered and tools to approach the next segment of life??

--

My 8 year old son suffers a lot of anxiety. It holds him back on so much from life. He will not even attempt to ride a bike. I've had him in swim for 10 months now & he still unable to get his face wet (he fears drowning). He fears choking so bad it's a nightmare to get him to eat anything. I've had him in occupational therapy and play/talk therapy and neither seemed to work. So I work on the small stuff. For example, we were in a car accident a few months back & the car hit right at his car door. Luckily we were in a steel box and received little damage while it totaled the other car - but now he has this obsession of getting into the car, buckling himself in, opening and shutting the car door, checking seatbelt & the open/shut the car door again.

So in a soft voice I explained to him the drivers panel will let us know if there is a car door that is not shut all the way. It took a week or so of reminding him of this & challenging him not to open his door. Then like on the 2nd day he didn't do this ritual my panel actually told me his door was opened, so I told him. Now he finally feels safe.

When he obsesses on things & starts asking me lots of questions I will answer the first 2-3, but then I have to stop and tell him I do not want to make the anxiety monster grow so I need to stop assuring him or helping him think of the nearly impossible scenarios.

My H has bipolar as well as my sister. So MI runs on both sides of the family. So I understand this fear as well.

As far as feeling guilty, that is a hard one. Have you accepted anxiety in yourself as not a character flaw, but a real biological cause?




"Only when we are sick of our sickness shall we cease to be sick."

~ Lao-Tzu, from The Tao Te Cheng



"Only when we are sick of our sickness shall we cease to be sick."

~ Lao-Tzu, from The Tao Te Cheng
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Mon, 07-19-2010 - 12:54pm
I understand that this must be very difficult for you. No mom wants to see their child suffer. The good news is that w/your anxiety issues, you have a much better understanding of what you're dd is facing & can share your insights & offer support. Noone knows like we do:)
I hope your dd is seeking treatment. That's something we all have to do for ourselves. Noone can do it for us. It's ok for you to encourage her to seek help, but don't nag. I always thought it was a bit like telling a smoker to quit. It has the opposite effect & they will just smoke more;) Let us know how things are going. We care. GL & GBU! (((hugs))) jan
 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2005
Mon, 07-19-2010 - 1:12pm
Thanks for the reply- you sure do understand- you seem to be making all of the right moves with your son. My daughter had a hard time learning to ride a bike too because she was scared. but she did.
We can't go away together, but have been making time to workout and do yoga together.
I guess i have not really accepted the biological basis of my anxiety/depression. i have with my dad and brother's bipolar though.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2005
Mon, 07-19-2010 - 1:17pm
you are right about no one knowing about anxiety like we do!
thanks for the reply. i have passed on many of the coping strategies i have learned about on this board. she is open to that now. As moms, we would rather have things happen to us than our kids- I know you must feel the same way. your knowledge and insight have been a blessing to me and i send prayers to you and your family.
Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Thu, 07-22-2010 - 3:50pm

"I hope your dd is seeking treatment. That's something we all have to do for ourselves. Noone can do it for us. It's ok for you to encourage her to seek help, but don't nag. I always thought it was a bit like telling a smoker to quit. It has the opposite effect & they will just smoke more;)"


I loved this Jan.


It's what I always said.


I was thinking of printing this off and handing it to a few people.


Maybe then they might just "get it"...


Nagging doesn't work in fact it can and does make it worse I believe.


<3

Nightangel
Nightangel