my anxiety is getting the best of me

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2005
my anxiety is getting the best of me
9
Tue, 07-20-2010 - 3:38am
hi i am up almost in a panic worrying about things that might happen in my life - not to myself per se but right now to my kids and our finances. Why do I obsess like this. It is not constructive, i know that.
My pdoc and i decreased my paxil from 30 to 15 mg on June 1st. Maybe it needs to be increased. I have posted about my daughter's anxieties and I have been trying to help her cope, while inside feeling like I am going crazy. I obsess about these scenarios that probably will never happen. I have always worried like this and go through these period but it really is getting hard to fight. the irony is that the most difficult thing our family has had to go through was something i never would have thought of to worry about in a million years. It was so outside of my thoughts- its hard to put into words, but probably very few people have been through what we have. It happened to my son and now he is dealing with 3 years of probation. he is 18 now. I can't really go into how unfair it was- even though our attorney and counselor agreed. they both did not feel it needed to be prosecuted and said if we lived in another county it probably would not of. even the judge at sentencing said that by looking at my son and his dad and i , if anyone had ever paid for anything we had. and he was supposed to have been the prosection friendly judge. It is so difficult seeing your child go through this and we all felt shame to be in that situation. He was a youthful offender so it is not on his public record unless he violates the probation. He is paying dearly for the "cime". i have never written about my son like this- but I am so worried. There was no victim in his situation and our attorney said many teens could be charged with this. what happens if he messes up? He seems to be fine -working two jobs this summer and out with good friends who are good kids. He had to leave the college he was going to out of state after the first semester because of the probation and move back home. he started at the local branch of the state college and is doing fine. but he is 18 and not always thinking things through. i feel like i have to be protecting him at all times and worry about his well being so much. I think I need to go to therapy to talk about these issues. i need to move on. i have no friends outside of my family and no job. right now i am feeling pretty worthless. crying would help but i am almost too wound up for that. i hate this feeling.
Thank you for reading this ramble and sorry for the lack of capitalization but my shift key is acting up.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2004
Tue, 07-20-2010 - 8:00am

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time right now. Dealing with family stuff can be so draining. Because you just care so much that it can consume you if you let it. I have a brother who is an addict. I'm honestly not sure what all drugs he did, but I know he OD'd on Meth. Up until that point the worry and frustration was almost unbearable, wondering if he'd end up dead or in prison. Wondering why he ended up down that path and if there was more I could have done to prevent it. Just awful. After he OD'd the worry was centered around whether or not he'd ever be able to function properly in the world. He was so young. I think 22 or so. Thankfully he completed his treatment program and has been clean for several years now. He's been able to hold down a full time job and just made manager at the fast food restaurant he works at. It may not seem like much to some, but for him, it's a miracle.

The hardest part of worrying about someone who is having issues is that you have to recognize that you're not in control. Worrying about their choices and actions can be overwhelming because we realize that it's really not up to us. I don't know about you, but for me, a lack of control often fuels my anxiety. Have you talked to your son about the importance of sticking to the dictates of the probation? Scratch that. You probably have.

I hope your anxiety settles down soon. Hopefully, as you have a little more experience with how your son is going to handle this probation you'll be able to let go of some of your worry. Easier said than done, I know, but time really does heal all. At least to some degree.

As for your medication change... It's not unusual for dosage changes to result in a flare in anxiety levels. It's been my experience that they settle down again after my body adjusts to the new level. The other side of that, though, is that you've been at this lower dose for 6 weeks or so. Your body should be pretty well adjusted now. Have you been able to use other coping techniques like meditation and exercise to help take up slack of a lower dose? I have sometimes found that I need those coping skills to offset the change in dosage. At least for a while. But always remember that if the anxiety is getting to be too much, there's no shame in upping that dose again. Or in seeking outside help through a therapist. Therapy can be a wonderful tool.

Take care and keep us posted.

Jess

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2005
Tue, 07-20-2010 - 9:03am
Your post really helped me. you are very caring and i hope you are studying to become a therapist or counselor. I am glad your brother is doing well- I have a brother who is bipolar and an addict. right now he is on house arrest for DUI and who knows if he is taking his meds.
Do you find solice in spirituality? I am much older than you but you seem very wise.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Tue, 07-20-2010 - 4:52pm
(((Elaine))) It's a shame this has happened to your ds): All parents have to face issues w/their kids. Sometimes big. Sometimes small. For those of us amongst the anxious, they are NEVER small issues): We can take a thought & run with it. We can spin it around in our heads until it drives us nuts w/more *what if* thinking. It's the old catastrophic thinking anxious folks are so good @!
The meds may need to be increased. I have had times where stress was hig & the anxiety wasn't covered by the dosage I was on. I think it's a good idea to seek counseling. You need to hash this out w/someone supportive & non-judgemental. Whatever your ds has done, you didn't cause it. Just as Jess said that she worried about her db & how she could've prevented his actions in some way, you could not have. Whether his charges or eventual sentence was fair or not, it can't be changed now. What is done, is done. You aren't responsible & though you may feel that others are judging you, chances are good, they are not. As for your ds's future actions, you can't control those either.
Somehow you need to let this go. Since I have struggled w/my dd's drug addiction & frequent run-ins w/the law, I can tell you I walk around w/much shame & guilt. A couple years ago, I was so anxious worrying about what others were thinking, I began avoiding shopping trips during peak hours. I didn't want to see anyone I knew. I was constantly worried for her safety. I was worried about *our* safety. Ppl on drugs don't care what they do to their own mothers. Through Al-Anon meetings, I got myself turned around. I didn't cause this. I can't cure it or control it. W/the support of other members & working the 12 Steps, I am learning to give it over to my Higher Power. This worked well until my parents health failed & my dd is expecting a baby(she's clean & sober) & a ton of small issues cropped up. I am back to repeating the Serenity prayer & reading all my literature again. The last 3 months have been awful & my anxiety unrelenting):
I know you have had spells like this before & managed to come out all right in the end. I know I have too. For me, the hardest thing is the disappointment I feel in myself for allowing it all to get to me. Forgive yourself, jan;) You forgive yourself, too, Elaine. We'll get through this dang anxiety together! GL & GBU! jan
 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2005
Tue, 07-20-2010 - 6:50pm
your post made me ccry- i understand what you are going through and you understand what i am going through. Finally I don't feel alone in this. Thank you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Wed, 07-21-2010 - 2:06pm
YVW:) (((hugs))) jan
 

 


 



Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Thu, 07-22-2010 - 4:00pm

What an Awesome Post Jan!


I don't think I could have made it through without your support and Inspiration.


It's not over yet but it has gotten better, my anxiety is a little better.


Dealing with depression but I am doing good.


My dd is not doing too well but I have had to let it, let her go and hopefully it will all turn out.


Kind of knowing our "Boundaries"...she is an Adult.


My ds has SAD (social anxiety) and this place has helped me, you have helped me so much.


I think we live with not only the anxiety but the seemingly never-ending guilt.


~hugs~


I loved this post so much it gives us hope for a better day.


<3

Nightangel
Nightangel
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Fri, 07-23-2010 - 12:01pm
Someone sent me a postcard years ago & I still have it. *Never take away someone's hope. After all, that may be all they have.* If it wasn't for hope, I would've given up long ago!
Love that yellow cap, gf:) Congrats! GL & GBU! (((hugs))) jan
 

 


 



Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Fri, 07-23-2010 - 12:19pm
Thanks Jan, it's much appreciated.
Still learning, but I love it!
Hope and our ability to Dare To Dream because I believe that Dreams Can Come True!
~hugs~
<3
Nightangel
Nightangel
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2005
Tue, 07-27-2010 - 4:42pm
hi- we all seem to have issues with our kids- and of course as moms they feed into our own disorders.issues. well my son screwed up- pardon my french- and we will not know the consequences for while. i worry about him constantly. things realy are not going to change drastically and i had better learn to cope or I will be living in the closet crying like i was earlier.
My mom makes me feel guilty where i already have enough of it.
sorry i haven't asked about any of you but you are in my prayers.
Elaine