Need help with coping technics

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2008
Need help with coping technics
10
Wed, 07-28-2010 - 10:14am

Hi everyone, it's

 

Avatar for firstglimpse
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Wed, 07-28-2010 - 11:39am

I cannot remember my 2nd grade year. I remember parts of Pre-K to 1st then blank. One of my first memories of 3rd grade was a 2nd grade teacher giving me a hug & saying I was one of her favorite students & I 'knew' her, but had no idea I was her student. I ran home to check my report card & there was her name.

It's hard guessing what could have happened to make you blank a complete section of your life. I tried having therapists hypnotize me to find out. Never worked. Who knows if I was abused or maybe it's the year my parents finally divorced (nobody seems to remember when it actually happened) and I couldn't deal with the stress??

Anyway, I've learned finding out what happened then is not really going to change anything. I am now who I am now & what ever took place before help build the personality I have now. So instead I've worked on liking who I am now. Appreciate myself.

Then learning to focus on the now. As you've probably have learned with meditation. But really learning how to let go of the past & worrying about the future and accept life as it is now. There is a quote, not sure from who, which says, "The definition of forgiveness is giving up all hope of a better past."

This is how I've been helping myself... Acceptance, looking more at today, changing my diet to include as many whole foods as possible, yoga & other exercise and checking in with my breath, making sure I see my belly moving.




"Only when we are sick of our sickness shall we cease to be sick."

~ Lao-Tzu, from The Tao Te Cheng



"Only when we are sick of our sickness shall we cease to be sick."

~ Lao-Tzu, from The Tao Te Cheng
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2008
Wed, 07-28-2010 - 12:46pm
Thank you, firstglimpse.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 07-29-2010 - 2:07pm
Hello & welcome to our caring community:) You are NOT alone! Many of us can relate to major life changes & stressors that precipitated our anxiety. Just as you said, you had too much happen in a short period of time. I am very sorry that you experienced the loss of your fil & sil. Deaths are very hard on us. I understand about the financial complications, but have you considered pastoral counseling? Also, hospice programs & other organizations may offer individual or group support in dealing w/grief associated w/death. These are usually free. I attended a grief support group after my sister died & it helped.
One size therapist does not fit all. Others have changed therapists because they simply couldn't connect. I would try again. Therapy is the best way to learn new ways of coping long term. That seems to be what you're searching for.
Klonopin is ok for an occasional attack, but it shouldn't be taken long term. In fact, the literature says only a year. It basically masks the problems you are facing. Once the med wears off(& I know first-hand that benzodiazepines work all too well!) the problem is still there. There is the potential for abuse & addiction. Antidepressants work much better.
You might consider getting books from the library on overcoming fear & anxiety. Dr. Claire Weeks wrote some good ones. Also, there is an Anxiety & Phobia Workbook by Edmund Bourne that has been used & recommended by our members. It can be purchased reasonably on Amazon.
Please don't be a stranger. We are happy to listen. If anyone understands anxiety, it is our members. We're all works in progress when it comes to learning how to live comfortably w/our anxiety disorders, fears & phobias. GL & GBU! (((hugs))) jan
 

 


 



Avatar for firstglimpse
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Thu, 07-29-2010 - 5:24pm

I went through 3 years of trauma, one thing after another, each worse than the one before ... actually they overlapped so there was no breathing room.

At the end of it all I learned about mourning. Sometimes you need to just let the pain & suffering live through you and not fight it. Allow yourself to feel sadness.

I didn't think I was running away until one day I was birthday shopping for my husband and I walked into a store that smelled like my brother (who had passed a couple of years before) & looked like his type of store. My first instinct was to exit the store immediately, but then I remembered I needed to allow myself to feel emotions. So I didn't leave. Instead, I let the tears well up in my eyes and even fall onto my cheeks as I did my shopping. When I saw they didn't have what I was looking for I left, knelt down and told my kids the store reminded me of my brother and it made me sad and I could use a hug. They gave me a hug, I perked up & we continued shopping for dad.

It was an unusual experience. We are taught not to show our emotions. But having all this stuff piling up inside of us is toxic. I cannot explain the relief I felt by letting the emotions come naturally. Not waiting until it was 'safe' to display them. It took less time to get over it and move onto the next part of my day. I've noticed too, since I've learned how to let out easily when needed, I've moved much father on than my sisters have with his death.

So ... maybe you're still fighting, avoiding, not allowing yourself mourn for all of your losses??




"Only when we are sick of our sickness shall we cease to be sick."

~ Lao-Tzu, from The Tao Te Cheng



"Only when we are sick of our sickness shall we cease to be sick."

~ Lao-Tzu, from The Tao Te Cheng
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Mon, 08-09-2010 - 4:32pm
How are you feeling? I hope you're getting some coping skills under your belt & they're working for you. Best of luck! (((hugs))) jan
 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2008
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 10:09am

Sorry it took me so long to get back on-line to respond but I have been sick and then I

 

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 3:02pm

"At the end of it all I learned about mourning. Sometimes you need to just let the pain & suffering live through you and not fight it. Allow yourself to feel sadness.


I didn't think I was running away until one day I was birthday shopping for my husband and I walked into a store that smelled like my brother (who had passed a couple of years before) & looked like his type of store. My first instinct was to exit the store immediately, but then I remembered I needed to allow myself to feel emotions. So I didn't leave. Instead, I let the tears well up in my eyes and even fall onto my cheeks as I did my shopping. When I saw they didn't have what I was looking for I left, knelt down and told my kids the store reminded me of my brother and it made me sad and I could use a hug. They gave me a hug, I perked up & we continued shopping for dad.


It was an unusual experience. We are taught not to show our emotions. But having all this stuff piling up inside of us is toxic. I cannot explain the relief I felt by letting the emotions come naturally. Not waiting until it was 'safe' to display them. It took less time to get over it and move onto the next part of my day. I've noticed too, since I've learned how to let out easily when needed, I've moved much father on than my sisters have with his death.


So ... maybe you're still fighting, avoiding, not allowing yourself mourn for all of your losses??"


Nightangel
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Wed, 08-18-2010 - 11:02am
Good for you! I'm glad you're feeling better. Reflection is a good way to sort out our feelings. Do you journal, BTW? Others have reported it worked well for them. GL & GBU! (((hugs))) jan
 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2008
Wed, 08-18-2010 - 11:19am

Jan, I tried journaling a couple of times.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Wed, 08-18-2010 - 11:47am
A couple of weeks ago, I had an awful panic attack): Maybe it was lack of sleep or the stress I was under, I'm not sure, but I forgot every darn thing that I learned. I fought against that panic attack for a couple of hours. I knew that I shouldn't have, but I couldn't stop myself): Sigh... The answer is exactly as you have found. Don't fight it. Let it come & it will be gone in no time!
GL & GBU! Keep in touch. (((hugs))) jan