iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2005
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 6:41pm
my dad was bipolar and he was a good dad in many ways, but he would embarasss me by coming to school games drunk and i would be up all night worrying about him coming home when he was manic and also visiting him at the psychiatric hospital= meanwhile I tried to be the best parent i cou \ld and something happened to my 14-15 year old son that is un \belielvsble-
i struggle 24/7 with this=also i have the best education in the US the names ofthe institutions are tops and i graduated at the top of my class
I feel so sad= i am 45 and feel so sad
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: grippy2005
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 5:50pm
(((Elaine))) I feel so bad for you): How you were treated as a child & the impact your dad's illness had on you is something you will need to come to grips with. It is hard. It is painful. But to be the best in your adult life this is an issue that a therapist can help you with. It's good to talk about it. You can't change what has happened, but you're entitled to find some peace. Have you forgiven your dad? He was mentally ill which was the bipolar, as well as the drinking that you saw the symptoms of. If he had been mentally well, he probably would not have wished all the worry & tears for you. You were a child & shouldn't have had to stay awake @ night thinking about such things.
As to your son, what he has done is no reflection on you or your education or your parenting. That is hard for parents to accept. They feel responsible. I don't know what he did. That is private & if you aren't comfortable sharing, that's ok. But it seems to me, that since it bothers you so much & you believe it was out of character for him, then he was raised right. You didn't teach him this behavior, nor did you tell him this behavior was perfectly ok. You did your best. Sometimes things happen w/kids that we have no idea where it came from. I am sure you know of @ least one family w/several kids. All turned out ok. Except one. That one is in trouble all the time, yet was raised in the same house & in the same way as the others.
If you are a person of faith, perhaps talking to your spiritual leader will help you to find peace. All I can tell you, is that I understand because of my own dd's actions. It is painful): It will get easier. I have forgiven her. But... forgiveness does not mean you forget, nor does it make the hurt go away. GL & GBU! (((hugs))) jan