Angry DH

Avatar for booplady44
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2003
Angry DH
5
Sat, 08-21-2010 - 9:32pm

My dh has anger management problems. Hes angry all the time. He rarely smiles and almost never laughs at anything. He was fired twice from a high paying job for hitting people. He has his own business now and does OK financially but he has recently lost 2 customers due to his anger.

BOOP


Three grand essentials to life are...something to do

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2007
In reply to: booplady44
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 3:58pm

Gosh, no wonder you feel overloaded, it sounds like you could use a vacation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: booplady44
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 6:37pm
(((Gracie))) I am so sorry): I think you hit the nail on the head when you said, "I realize theres not much I can do when he refuses to get help..." That's what is so frustrating. We want to *fix* the ppl we love. We can't, so we must do what's best for us. It isn't the best for us, if we're walking on eggshells & trying to control someone else's emotions.
You are taking meds & seeing a therapist, right? That is the best you can do. I understand why you began working w/dh. It's because of the anxiety & the fear of being alone. Is that right? Is it possible you can handle being on your own again? I ask because I'm concerned about you & worried that this anger of his may impact YOUR health.
You are always welcome to vent here. We're happy to listen. We'd like to *fix* it for you, but alas... we cannot. Sigh): GL & GBU! jan
 

 


 



Avatar for booplady44
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2003
In reply to: booplady44
Tue, 08-24-2010 - 9:32pm

Jan,

BOOP


Three grand essentials to life are...something to do

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
In reply to: booplady44
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 12:16am
~hugs~
It's hard to deal with someone else's "Anger".
I believe my ex-fiancé had "Anger" issues.
Tried to make it work but couldn't make it work.
I broke off the engagement and eventually the relationship.
Wasn't good for my health and it's definitely not good good for his.
Sometimes we just can't cope/deal with it.
My "Anxiety" seemed to peak because of him and it (his Anger), and I could not would not go on.
Make sure that you take care of "YOU"...
Like you said the issues from his past, his child-hood still are no excuse.
My ex alienated people including me.
You can't fix it or change it, they have to be willing to.
<3
Nightangel
Nightangel
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-1998
In reply to: booplady44
Wed, 08-25-2010 - 10:44am

Boop, I wish I had some ideas for you, but I don't, just lots of sympathy.

We always hear that saying about how other people can't make you feel a certain way, but I don't think that applies completely when you are talking about intimate relationships. When my kid is sad, I am sad too- without empathy, we wouldn't have real relationships of any kind. It's too bad that other people, like our DH's, often fail to realize that they affect us this way. We love them, we don't want them to be angry or jeopardize the security of the household over something that could be managed in a more effective manner.

Was there ever a time when he wasn't this way?

Are you a very mellow person most of the time? I read an interesting article the other night that for some people, one of the best ways to change a spouse is to take on their bad traits. This supposedly has something to do with the ways spouses adapt to compensate for each other. For example, that classic case when one spouse is always late and the other compensates by always being the time keeper and hurrying the other along. One of the examples was from a lady whose DH explodes with anger whenever they are late for a function. She turned the tables by being the one who got angry about being late- instead of escalating, he tried to calm her down! It's entertaining to think about, but maybe there is some merit to it- if you calculate your bad habits carefully. Maybe you are a very calm and collected person, so he doesn't realize how it feels to have an angry spouse? Not saying you should do this, but not saying you shouldn't either...

I can tell you that I've tried a similar approach to housecleaning with my DH, but it never got bad enough for him before it got too bad for me...

I'm sorry you are dealing with such an exhausting spouse. I hope he eventually sees the light.