pregnancy officially over...pdoc convers

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Registered: 05-27-2003
pregnancy officially over...pdoc convers
3
Tue, 08-31-2010 - 7:53pm

well after 2 weeks the methotrexate shot...my "pregnancy levels" (hcg) are down to 2 (which is considered "non-pregnante"), so 7 pregnancies, 2 healthy kids, and 5 miscarriages later i feel like a seasoned vetran...


i saw my p doc a week ago, and told her about my ectopic pregnancy, and "thinking" about having a baby again...she laughted a little bit, smiled and stated, "i remember you saying you were never going to have anymore kids"


we reminiced about my last pregnancy which caused a HUGE flare up w/my anxiety, and my doc said, "you weren't so bad"...i think this was her trying to be positive...but i guess "not so bad" is relative to a psychatrist...her version of "not so bad" is my version of "ROCK BOTTOM!!!!!!"


she was overall supportive...but hey...thats why i pay her right?:)


she stated she thinks its about 50/50 that i melt down like i did w/my last pregnancy...


its still just a thought....as i've not yet got my AF after this m/c...


we'll see...


heather:)

Avatar for firstglimpse
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Wed, 09-01-2010 - 2:30pm

I think it is 100% normal after a mc to want another child. Your body just prepared itself for the ultimate miracle and when it didn't finish the process it is out there, searching, desperately seeking & somewhat needing to fulfill what is missing.

I honestly do not think people can understand unless they've been before.

There are no words to make you feel better ... none.
There is no positive statement out there to make you look on the bright side.

The only thing to console you now is the presence of people, your loved ones. Holding you and being there for you. The joy of the smile on your two children's faces. Their laughter, even their cries. Your H holding you in his arms and letting you cry (if he does - mine didn't and I think that was a big thing in me falling as deep as I did).

There is a loss.
You need to mourn.
Allow yourself to mourn.
Allow yourself to cry.

Trying to stay strong on the outside is what will probably make you feel week inside.

I hope now that your HCGs are down you'll soon start to feel a little better. (That was another trigger for my big depression - it took 3 mos to get my #s down.) Then maybe even a little more better after AF has returned.

Maybe you can set a date on your calendar, like 3 mos ahead, of when you recheck yourself to see if you're still baby hungry. If so, then maybe this was a wake up call to get you prepared to walk a new path in your life. If not, well, then you know it was hormone driven and your quite happy with your beautiful family now.

{{hugs}}

There are a few times in life where were are totally alone. I believe this is one of them. Nobody can really enter and understand the pain of a loss such as this. It is yours and yours alone. Don't let anybody take it & don't be ashamed of it.




"Only when we are sick of our sickness shall we cease to be sick."

~ Lao-Tzu, from The Tao Te Cheng



"Only when we are sick of our sickness shall we cease to be sick."

~ Lao-Tzu, from The Tao Te Cheng
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-1998
Thu, 09-02-2010 - 10:33am

Heather, I am so sorry about your loss. Your doctor sounds like a very nice lady though, and it sounds like she understands your anxiety concerns. It seems like your desire for another child is a little stronger at the moment than the fear of the anxiety- which isn't to say that the anxiety thing isn't scary! Prayers and positive thoughts as you work your way through this.

firstglimpse, very well said. MC is too often an unacknowledged loss. My DH was also not capable of understanding the loss I felt after mine, and I totally relate to what you said about going deeper as a result.

(((HUGS)))

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 09-02-2010 - 3:55pm
(((Heather))) I know you were really concerned about the meds needed for the ectopic. Thankfully you made it through! I can understand your concern about ttc & the possible return of anxiety. It was a bad time for you, as I remember. But... you made it through that too! And, you have a beautiful child to show for it. I'd like to think that the chances of anxiety's return to that level is less than 50%. Many women have had the best anxiety-free days during a pregnancy. I wish that for you. GL & GBU! I am keeping you in my T&P's. jan