my son -jan especially

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2005
my son -jan especially
6
Tue, 09-07-2010 - 5:38pm
Hi- Jan and others on this wonderful board have read my posts about my son. today something happened that will change his life and it was not even his doing. It is not fair- but what in life is?
Anyway, I am so worried and have so much anxiety- I am shaking and my meds are not working. i am using breathing techniques but i need to be in control for the rest of my family. i just need to get this out and this is a good place to do it. I am afraid that my son will emotionally break down and might hurt himself, but he is 18. It hurts more that this is happening to him than if it was to me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2010
Tue, 09-07-2010 - 8:25pm
I am so sorry you are going through such a difficult time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2005
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 6:54am
thank you
Avatar for firstglimpse
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 12:11pm

Do you have a crisis plan in place? A list of numbers of crisis hotline, police (city, state, sheriff), hospitals (one with a psychiatric unit), his license plate number, that sort of stuff?

#1 You want to leave this to the professionals. They are the ones who will know how to step in better than you. You will be displaying emotions which may be much for him to handle. So at the first sign of imminent danger the best way to help him is to call in the professionals.

#2 Before you're in a definite crisis get the plan on paper. Write the above numbers down. In fact, call your local NAMI (nami.org) or police station and ask if your location has a CIT team (crisis intervention team). These are trained police officers who can assess the situation and decide if anybody's lives it at threat & get your son the help he needs.

#3 I do not know where your son lives, but if it's not at your home, try to keep your lines of communication open so hopefully he'll call you if he starts falling too far.

#4 If he disappears & you are in fear for his life, there is this thing called 'Endangered Missing Persons' which does not require a 24 hour wait to start looking for him. You call the police and tell them why you believe he's in danger. In my city they stuck with the case, even AFTER my H fled the state. So when he returned a month later they would not close the file until they spoke to him & made sure he was no longer a danger. (This is when the license plate number is helpful.)

---

As with an anxiety attack, a crisis will eventually lose its peak. There will be some acceptance of this situation and life start to fall into place. Different, yes, but life will continue on and not at this heightened state of awareness you're feeling now. You will breath gently again.

People with ADHD are often found as police officers & firefighters because they are on the alert & can jump into action quickly. Think of your heightened anxiety at this time as putting you into ADHD mode. You feel danger, so you're absorbing more information at this time than normal. This is to keep you at your ready at the first sign imminent danger is presented. Once you start realizing the danger has passed your anxiety will come down.

In other words, anxiety is NOT your enemy right now. Try to accept it as your friend and as your tool.

...and as all things, this too shall pass...

Peace






"Only when we are sick of our sickness shall we cease to be sick."


~ Lao-Tzu, from The Tao Te Cheng



"Only when we are sick of our sickness shall we cease to be sick."

~ Lao-Tzu, from The Tao Te Cheng
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 2:03pm
(((Elaine))) I am so sorry you are hurting): I know its difficult when we're concerned about our children. We would like to take the pain for them & in this case, make the unfairness go away. Unfortunately, there are so many things in life we cannot control. That is when we have to take a deep breath & let it go. Truly it is the hardest thing in life to let go & it may take time to adjust & find the peace we need, but its out there.
How are you feeling today? Is your son doing ok? I am sending P&PT's your way. Please lean on us in this difficult time. GL & GBU! jan
PS BTW, we can be our own worst enemies. Noone, but Elaine, herself expects to keep it all together & be strong for everyone else. You are allowed to be upset. You are allowed to cry. You are allowed to get angry. Anything that you need to do. You don't need anyone's permission but your own. I totally understand. All my life I have been the one to be strong & keep it together. Boy oh boy was I surprised when I was told in an Al-Anon meeting that was jan's expectation. Noone elses;)
 

 


 



iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2005
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 3:39pm

thank you first glimpse for the info- i have written that info down- and for thinking about the anxiety as positive now-
jan- thank you too- I know i do not need to be perfect but just want to-

my son is calm now- yesterday a and b happened and he had said if a and b happened he would not be able to take it- right now we are waiting for the effect and he is ok- but i am just so worried.

i do not know how much of this is my own anxieties and worries for him. today i literally feel sick to my stomach and have such bad abdominal pains- can that be from panic attacks?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 3:45pm
(((Elaine))) I am so sorry): Chances are good that the stress & anxiety have you tied up in knots both inside & out. I have had that feeling. Usually as the anxiety passes, the gastrointestinal upset passes too. GL & GBU! jan