2nd miscarriage in 6 months

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
2nd miscarriage in 6 months
18
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 6:08pm
This is my first posting on a message board ever. Tomorrow I am having a D&E to remove the remains of my 2nd miscarriage in 6 months. I had my initial miscarriage (1st pregnancy) in October. Both times the problem was the same: no heartbeat. At the first miscarriage I had no hb at 7 weeks and they did the d&E. For my 2nd pregnancy I had a viable ultrasound at 8 weeks (2 weeks ago) and then yesterday they couldn't find a hb. It's very disheartening esp. since both times I felt pregnant and had no bleeding.

A few vital stats: I am 36 years old, my husband just turned 40. I had a hystoscopy (sp)last May to remove a polyp from my uterus and everything went fine. It took me 4 months to get pregnant the 1st time and 3 months the 2nd time. I guess I should take comfort in that I seem to be able to get pregnant fairly easily esp. at my age. Though I will have some tests after this procedure my Dr. says there is high likelihood that there is nothing specific causing the miscarriages.

I am lucky to have a wonderful husband, great parents, and the 2 best sisters. I'm just so angry (easier than being upset) that I don't want to hear any of their sympathies. I know they don't know how to deal with this, they're just trying to be helpful. I also don't know how to console my husband when I feel so awful myself.

It is very unlike me to talk about stuff like this but I have no idea what to do. Frankly don't feel like doing anything except laying in bed and watching mindless television. I just don't know what to do. All I know is that I can't go through this experience again.

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Avatar for m2basbleu
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 03-26-2003 - 11:49pm
Hi there. I hate to say welcome to this board, because I know that none of us want to be here, but it is nice to have a group of people that totally understands what you're feeling right now. I, too, recently had my 2nd m/c in 7 months, and I know how hopeless you feel. It's been almost 2 weeks, and I am just now starting to feel like doing things again. I was totally useless last week. The best advice that I can give to you is to not rush your grief. Take time to get through it. If you don't feel like doing anything right now other than watching mindless TV, that's OK! Eventually, when you are ready, you'll start feeling better. I know how you feel about others offering sympathy; the day after my m/c, my mom came over to see me and wanted to hold me and have a good cry, but I just didn't want to have anything to do with that at the time. I did have a good mutual cry with my 9 year-old nephew, though (this baby would have been born around his 10th b-day, and he was so looking forward to it!). I hope that you begin to feel better soon. Michele


Edited 3/27/2003 12:50:31 AM ET by m2basbleu
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Avatar for trishrosales
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 8:58am
You know, you have come to the right place. The ladies here are AWESOME! This is a place where they wil make you laugh, cry, vent, etc. I just had my 2nd m/c Jan 10. I was only 5 weeks at that point. I never even got to my prenatal visit. I think that everyone grieves diffrently and you need to do what is right for you. I did just what you are talking about. The morning I got back from the ER I sat on the couch and watched DVD's all day long. Imagine this I did it all day the next day too!! :) Take the time you need to grieve.

When you go to the Dr be sure that they test your ANA. Some drs don't want to run test after the 2nd, they don't consider it a recurrent thing until you have 3 m/c in a row. Insist that they do them now. I know that so often all of the tests come back normal but it's better to know that all is normal then to go through this again and find out that there was something there that could've ben potentially treatable. At least you know what you are up against. They ran all the test on me once my HCG went back to normal. They also ran a bunch of test on DH (husband). One of my tests did come back positive. They found out that I have a clotting disorder and although the drs don't think that is what caused my m/c's they also can't rule it out. I take a baby aspirin everyday to help thin my blood.

As for DH just be there for him if he needs you. I learned with my last m/c that many times they don't want to talk about it. Men are "fixers" and when they can't fix things they get frustrated. The last thing that they want is to see us hurt or suffer. When they can't fix what's wrong with us the get frustrated. DH have never really talked about it. He was simply there to hold me and me to hold him. Don't hesitate to come here and vent or say what you can't say to people around you. No one undersands what you are going through and I have learned that some people think that because you have been through it before that it is easier when in fact it is really so much harder then the first. Now you are asking questions that may not have answers. Please hang in there and do what you have to do to greive.

Look forward to seeing more of you around!

Hope for Tomorrow,

Trish

Avatar for jonsmom98
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 10:12am
I just recently joined this board after having a m/c on Tuesday. I know what you mean about just sit around and do nothing. Right now I'd like to go into a dark corner and be away from everyone. I come here because I know there are other ladies who understand. I'm sorry of your circumstances that bring you to join this group none of us want to be in, but I'm glad you found it and hope you find comfort in what you find here. Hugs.

Kristina

Avatar for jenact64
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 5:16pm
How did the surgery go? I hope everything went very well. I had D&Cs for two of my three losses and I will take that any day over having to m/c at home. Even though it's so scary to find out you've lost your little one and then be scheduled for surgery all at the same time (my last was within hours of the ultrasound) I think it is easier physically and emotionally to have the procedure. When I m/c'd at home I made DH flush the toilet... it made me cry to think of it.

These ladies hit the nail on the head... do what you have to to grieve. It's finally spring... maybe in a week or so when you are feeling better, you and DH could plant a tree for the baby (or if you don't have a yard, buy a little ficus or some flowers in a pot for the house.) It helps to have something living to remind you, and help you smile instead of cry.

Trish was right about DHs... when I was having the first D&C, mine told my sister "as long as she's okay, I'll be okay." With that in mind, I often keep my grief to myself and cry when I'm alone. I am afraid that if he sees me fall apart every time he will be too scared to move forward. Just tell your DH that you will be okay but you need some time... maybe just hearing that will help him open up or at least worry less.

Maybe you could keep a little journal and write some of what you're feeling in there... you can even write to the babies you've lost and tell them how much you wanted them to come to you and how you miss them. I like to think that each of my pregnancies was the same little spirit trying to come to us, but the body just hasn't been right yet, so they're waiting.

I am two years older than you and am still hopeful, so don't give up! Your day will come. Just let yourself grieve and give yourself time to heal in all ways. We are here when you need to talk, and we understand like no one else can.

Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 5:46pm
Hi! I see you got lots of great responses and advice from all the ladies here. Welcome! I agree with them all about grieving, and I can promise you that you will get bored of the TV and become more yourself in a few weeks. Its partly the hormones that are zapping you out right now, and when they settle you'll come back to life.

Since you got so many great comments already, I thought I would keep mine practical. It sounds like your m/c's were before the heartbeat stage? I agree that you should get all the testing you can. Have you had irregular periods in the past? If so, you might want to look into PCOS. Or you could have an egg quality issue due to age, that would mean that its just a matter of chance to get a good egg going. Are your cycles very short? If so you could require progesterone. Those are the things that come to mind for early miscarriages. We are almost all taking baby aspirin which is proven to help unexplained m/c's. The dose is 1 per day and you can start anytime.

There have been so many success stories on this board. You will be inspired by everyone here!

Let us know how your tests go!

Glad you found us.

-Sari

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 6:43pm
Trish,

What is my ANA? I've never heard that term before. I know of 2 people who had miscarriages and the Dr. told them to take a baby asprin. One, whose mother took DES, now has 2 healthy girls (comforting since she is also a year older than me). I don't have any news about the other one.

Thanks,

Karen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 6:49pm
I had my surgery today and it went fine physically. If it has to happen, I'm glad I didn't experience any physical violence. It's just very disconcerting when you feel pregnant and your baby has no heartbeat.

K-

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-27-2003 - 6:55pm
Sari-

What is PCOS? All these terms are very new to me. In health terms my cycles are textbook. I have my period every 28 days and usually ovulate on the 17th day.

I never had a heartbeat with the first pregnancy and the baby didn't grow at all. For the 2nd one I had a heartbeat at 7 weeks and then 2 weeks later none though in the meantime the fetus had grown a bit.

Thanks for the info.

K-

Avatar for kathyzar
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 8:49am
I wanted to welcome you to the board and tell you how sorry I am for all you're going through. I know how hard it is - I too have had two m/c and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. It's an emotional roller coaster. Wondering why is this happening to me! After my 2nd one I immediately made an appt. to go see a specialist and he ran all types of test and they all came back negative. He also said that I'm lucky because I can get pregnant relative quickly (4 months) but sometimes I don't feel so lucky because my body seems to reject the pregnancies. Just take good care of yourself, take it easy, pamper yourself. Allow yourself grieving time but then focus on the day that you will have a baby - because it will happen! I can't tell you how much this board has helped me. I couldn't have gone through this without all the wonderful woman on the board.

Kathy

Avatar for trishrosales
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 10:11am
Well I am glad that you are doing well you are definatly in my thoughts and prayers. As for the ANA, it's something that they test for clotting. I tested positive for ANTIPHOSPHOLIPID SYNDROME Or its also called Lupus Anticoagulant (but has nothing to do with Lupus Go figure!) It is a clotting disorder of the blood that some women have but it doesn't affect them until they try and get pregnant. What happens is your blood clots well and the tiny vessels that go to the baby get clogged and the baby dies. Hang in there and know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Hope for Tomorrow,

Trish

PS Don't hesitate to ask anything here these women are a wealth of information!!

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