It is a long time since I have been here

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
It is a long time since I have been here
1
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 4:13am
but I need to sort of debrief myself, and I hope you may all be able to listen to me.

Having had 6 babes die inutero @ < 20 weeks & subsequent curretts ( I have 2 kids ) .. I have done the hard yards and yrs of grief and I was fine until a friend asked me to be a support for her during her labour of her baby which had died at 16 weeks..( yes I thought a suction curret would have been kinder ) well I did this, helped her arrange a little funeral casket & all, then after-wards she went right off, screaming and hitting me and another couple there. Turns out my "help" post the birth had upset her, and she says I have unresolved issues. But I walked out on our friendship of 10 yrs when I learnt she had 2 terminations last year. ( each pregenancy to different men ) just happened that the baby she lost, she wanted that dad as a father.--like hook line & sinker

Four weeks on I am still so angry with her, I feel she discarded the life of two babies, and how dare she cry over loosing "one she wanted". Especially when many of us have lost so many babies. I have never before been judgemental of women having termintations. But I am now angry and having bad dead baby dreams. ( I would add that I am a midwife ) and had just after 7 years had enough courage to return to that area of nursing again, since the incident with my friend I have not worked obstetrics. I am so angry, I just cant forgive her for drawing me into that grief again, when deep down I think that she forfeited all rights to support when she threw life in the bin. thanks for listening lell
Avatar for trishrosales
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 03-28-2003 - 11:28am
I have to say that I really don't know what o think about your situation. I think that to some degree you are right about her "deciding" which baby she wanted. Honestly I am not to surprised that she lost the baby being that her body is already used to terminating the pregnancies early. I lost my friend of 11 years recently ( in the last year or so) Kinda to the same thing. I have decided to just let it go and that we need to go our seperate ways. I have washed my hands of the friendship and ironiclly enough we seem to have a bit of better relationship then we did a year ago. Sometime people are taken out of or lives for a reson and we don't always like it or understand it, but we should accept it and make the best of it. Sometimes we don't see that it can be a blessing in disguise. I don't know how much I helped you, but If you need anything else I am always gald to put in my 2 cents.

Trish