Some conclusions...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Some conclusions...
2
Tue, 04-01-2003 - 7:22am
I really need to feel better, I can't go on with this numb feeling. I spent time with the ex last Thursday and we decided we would talk Sunday night. Well, he never called. I called him Monday to tell him I was hurt by that and I can't continue to set myself up for disappointment. He left me a message and it said he didn't mean to not call, he didn't do it on purpose...etc etc. So, more phone tage, I called and left a message that I had some mail of his, somethings he needed but that I couldn't continue to call him, I couldn't be the only one to make an effort so I will wait for him top call. I realized something, my ex never means for anything to happen, he didn't mean to get his girlfriend pregnant at 19, didn't mean to get 2 DUIs, didn't mean to lie to me or betray me. So I guess if he didn't mean to do these things, then he doens't have to accept responsibility! He is perfectly content sitting back and letting life happen to him! If I had that attitude, i would most likely be still living in my parents house and still struggling through a crappy grad school program and with a man was was worse than anyone you can imagine! My ex is throwing away a chance at a perfect life, at being with someone who would love and care for him. He will go from one unfulfilling relationship to the next and never have again what he had with me. I just have to believe I am worth more than that and I will find someone to love and care about me!

I had a song pop into my head last night, sort of a break up song. And the one line kept repeating in my head. "You can take everything when you leave but my pride". And damn it, I am going to make sure that no matter what happens, I retain my pride!

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Registered: 01-05-1999
Tue, 04-01-2003 - 8:17am
It sounds like you are really coming to terms with the end of this relationship - good for you! The way you've described your ex it sounds like you are making the right decisions. It sounds like his life has been an accident. He accidentally impregnated a girl. He accidentally got 2 DUIs. Was your relationship with him an accident? Maybe he saw something good finally happening in his life and he panicked. If he's used to accidents in his life maybe a good relationship was something he couldn't handle. He probably has low self esteem and doesn't feel he deserves you. Right now, that's probably true because you deserve better.

Songs can be very powerful. I always enjoyed watching Alley McBeal and her theme songs. Keep that song in your head. When I was about 19 I was contemplating suicide. One song kept playing on the radio and I started to believe it was an omen so (obviously) I never went through with suicide (thank goodness). The song that kept me going is Fleetwood Mac's Don't Stop Thinkin' About Tomorrow. I still hum it for inspiration. The only complaint I have about the song was when Fleetwood Mac played at Clinton's inaugaral bash. I'm not a Clinton fan so seeing him, the skirt-chaser, rocking out with Fleetwood Mac, well that kinda bummed me out. I still like the song but I lost a little respect for Fleetwood Mac. (LOL).

Keep up the positive thoughts. You KNOW you deserve better. We all deserve the good things in life.

Luv ya,

Ben

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 04-01-2003 - 10:16am
AMEN! lol

It's great to hear that you're coming to terms with this and having a strong attitude. Yes you DO deserve better and you should be proud!!! Keep it up hon!!!! You're doing great :)

~lisa