BLOW TO SELF ESTEEM

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
BLOW TO SELF ESTEEM
3
Sat, 04-05-2003 - 10:32pm
Hi.

This is my first time posting though I've been reading the board for several days. My self esteem recently got another blow. I gained a lot of weight during the past year and it made me feel so depressed that I wasn't able to do anything constructive about it. I recently decided that I was going to watch my diet and finally start to exercise. When I told my freinds about it they ridicued my decision. Like I had become such a whale that there was no hope of me losing weight. It made me feel so bad. I almost lost my resolve to try to lose weight. I thought that they were right, that there was no hope for me. Then I started to read about other people's experiences on this and the weight management boards and I decided that if other people could make positive changes in their lives then maybe I could do it too. At least I could give it a try.

The problem now is that now I feel so hurt and angry at my friends, that I don't want to be around them any more. I don't want to be around people who see me in such a negative light that they make me feel bad about myself. I don't know what to do. Should I forgive my friends or should I try to seek out people who can give me more positive support (I've considered joining Weight Watchers). What does everyone think?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 04-07-2003 - 2:57pm
Hi nitespirit!

First off, congrats on your descion to try and lose weight and to stick with it!!! I'm sure you can do it if you just put your mind to it!!!!

About your friends, would it be possible to approach them and tell them that you didn't appreciate what they said? That it insulted you and you thought that they'd be more sensitive to your idea? It is possible that they didn't even think what they were saying would be insulting. For example, I was telling a girlfriend of mine that I need to lose weight, watch what I eat and excersise more... she replied with "yea i know what you mean. I feel like such a whale, i have to get to the gym more, i'm getting fat" I looked at her with a blank, yet probably somewhat astonished look on my face... she's already only a size 7!!!! Thing is though, she just thought it was a harmless comment, that she was agreeing and understood what I was saying, yet I took it as an insult b/c if she thought SHE was fat, then what on earth did she think of me?!?! I told her how that made me feel afterwards, and she apologized, genuinily making it clear that she did not mean it in that way.

You have to remember too, that you are losing weight for yourself... not for your friends or anyone else (hopefully), so it only matters on whether YOU think you can do it or not... everyone else who has a different opinion, well you can just laugh when you prove them wrong.

Good luck to you!! I'm sure you'll be able to do it, you seem to have a great outlook on it so far!!!

~Lisa

lisa_Ann1226@yahoo.ca

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-1999
Wed, 04-09-2003 - 9:17am
First off welcome and congrats on deciding to try and slim down and get healthier. The first thought that crossed my mind when I read your post was how heavy or thin are these friends of yours? If they are heavy could they be jealous that you might get thinner than them? Maybe they want to do the same thing but aren't willing to make some sacrifices or effort to lose weight themselves. If they are already thin (or relatively fit - not bone thin just not heavy) could they possibly see a thinner you as competition in the elligable men department?

Any friend who makes fun or doesn't support you isn't a very good friend. Keep visiting here and we'll try to pump up your willpower and spirits. Stick with your plan and you will feel better about yourself. If won't happen overnight but it will happen.

Hugs,

Ben

<?xml:namespace prefix = v ns = "urn:schemas-microso

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 04-09-2003 - 10:40am
Hi and welcome to the board.

Well - I'm not one to tell you to dump them - but geeez, real friends should give you encouragement and support.

Something tells me that maybe they feel threatened by the thought of you improving yourself. Or - they are just really insensitive jerks.

I'm not sure how close you are to these friends, but I would confront each of them before coming to a decision about it. Ask them straight out.... and see what kind of answers you get.

Good luck honey! I'm working on losing weight right now too - I hope you'll come visit us again here :)

julie