just need a little pick me up

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
just need a little pick me up
3
Mon, 04-07-2003 - 12:25am
Hi everyone,

I just found this message board but from what I've seen everyone seems a little supportive. I've been depressed before (was on Luvox for about a year) and gained a lot of weight - but mostly had my life back in order so I went off it. This year (I'm a student) has been a rough one, I've tried letting go of an ex (we've been broken up for a year now) and dealing with bad roommates.... I am starting to feel so sad again, I've been so bitter and resentful this year that I've ruined nearly all of my friendships beyond repair. My ex has moved on, and I'm still thinking about the good old times, I don't wish to be with him anymore but its the kinda "I wish I had done this better" kinda thinking. I guess I'm starting to feel really lonely, and I'm not sure what to do. I definitely don't want to go back on antidepressents - I'm not thinking of death/suicide, I'm just really lonely and wish I had some good friends to just kick back and have a good laugh with. I have a counsellor but she is always so booked up and I actually don't feel like I connect with her. I wish to switch counsellors, and I plan on doing that tomorrow. I'm not very overweight but I am a little chubby - I work out a lot but I just feel so worthless compared to so many of the other girls on campus. Everyone seems to be a size 2 and I'm a size 9. I've got a lot going for me, I just can't shake these feelings and I just want to feel better about myself, I just don't know how to go about doing it.

I know this is all kinda confusing and stuff, but I think right now all I need to know is that there are some really supportive people out there.

Thanks for your time :)
Avatar for loritemp
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 04-07-2003 - 12:59pm
Sorry you are feeling so bad but it is good you found this board, the people here are great! I think the first thing you need to do is finda new therapist, if you don't click then you will never make progress! Then get out there and make some new friends! If you live on campus, find some activites that you like and join in! And do ityourself if you have to! When i was in college I worked up the nerve to join a group by myself and it was a great experience! I am still very close to some of the people I met that way!

I know it is hard to see the positive side of life but you need to focus on the good things! You have your whole life ahead of you, embrace that! And by the way, you don't have to be a size 2 to be beautiful! Yes, some men are attracted to women like that but remember the average US woman is 5'5" and a size 12!

Hope you stick around, you will make some friends here!

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 04-07-2003 - 3:12pm
Welcome to the board!!!

I'm sorry to hear that you've been feeling so low. Everyone at this board has been through it, so you're not alone.

I can really relate with how you feel about the whole friends issue.... I was just going through that same type of "i have no one around me" feeling just this weekend... AND last weekend.... do you have at least one good friend? (remember, it's quality, not quantity!!) if ALL of your friendships have been damaged, now would be a good time to suck it up and try your apologies... a true friend will forgive you with time, and especially if you have a good explanation (sometimes an no explaination: "i don't know why i did that..." is the best explaination of all)

About thoughts of your ex, just think of it as a learning experience... instead of thinking "i wish i had done this better" think "next time, I'll do better"... same idea, just more optimistic and confident!!

With the weight issue thing: Oooohhhhhhh how I wish there was no "magic" number that we should all have.... I blame the media: magazines, movies, models, t.v. shows and what have you... there are so many images that are portrayed as the "ideal" woman that are soooooo off base it's sickening. To me, the ideal woman is portrayed as a woman who is confident and proud. Those two things are the only thing a woman needs to be "ideal". If she is confident, then weight, age, style doesn't bother her... she is okay with who she is and she will turn the other cheek to shallow people who's personalities only run skin deep. She would be proud to be who she is and to represent what she is.. she will not change a thing about her only b/c society says she should; she'd change a thing about her b/c SHE wants to....

oops.. I kind of ran a little off track there! lol *innocent smile*

I'm only coming to terms with my weight now after struggling with it for so long... I realize I will never be a size 2, or probably not even a size 9, but that is me. I'm stuck with this body forever, I might as well live with it. And if I'm that unhappy about it, I might as well try to change what I can... and with that, every pound I lose is a mile stone. I will never have a petite frame, b/c I was born with a large one. Ive accepted that... can you accept that about yourself???

You need a pick me up? *picks you up* there. now go smile and have a nice day. (or just look at my little blue dancing guy in the corner and live vicariously through him lol) :)

~Lisa

lisa_ann1226@yahoo.ca

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Tue, 04-08-2003 - 10:13pm
Hi,

Looks like we have a few things in common. First, I'm a student too (senior, graduating in May but still waiting to get accepted to law school). 2nd, I recently got into a roommate conflict (while things have gotten back to normal, still annoyed with her spending all the time in our room but it's mostly out of feeling severely stressed right now). Are all of your friendships destroyed? If so, you need to consider taking some responsibility for what happened and try to make amends. If they are truly your friends they will want to start over as well. If not, forget about them and move on. Definitely join student organizations/clubs or volunteer since it's late in the semester and organizations are starting to wrap up the year. I know that when I'm down and can't email or IM my twin all the time, I now usually talk to friends rather than writing in my journal or playing racketball. Most of my higher self-esteem from the last four years of college comes from getting involved. For example, I just came back from our student government meeting (I'm class rep) and I was stressing to my friend (our President, also a senior) She like everyone else constantly tells me not to worry, I'll get in. Today, she took it one step further by telling me to let everyone know so we can go out and celebrate. That makes me feel good and somewhat reassured. If you don't have any friends to talk to consider talking to a counselor at your campus counseling center or a peer counselor. If you live on campus, try talking to your RA or residence counselor/director.

Lastly, believe it or not, I kinda wish I was size 9...I'm really skinny naturally but I also allegedly lost alot of weight making me close to 100 lbs and dropping down to size 4, closer to 2. I got tons of comments about that mostly out of concern but some mean ones from my cousins/sister. I too blame this on media b/c I've felt like I've had a body image problem this year on top of everything else. keep posting. -Benita