Getting worse, not better...

Avatar for loritemp
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Getting worse, not better...
3
Wed, 04-09-2003 - 9:21am
Hi ladies! Well, my ex is currently moving out. We have had some mean talks, some sweet ones, we have yelled at each other and held each other. I know I can't settle and be with him, but I just keep wishing he would change and be the man i want! I just love him so much, obvioulsy more than i love myself and that is so sad! I know I didn't do anything wrong but I keep thinking it is just who I am that isn't good enough! I am not pretty enough, funny enough, good enough! And yet, i am well educated, I have a greta acareer, I am in better shape than I have been in my whole life, I have friends and family who love me and support me! Yet, I can't muster up the self esteem to get through each day! I just feel like I can't possibly ever have a nice normal healthy relationship! My insecurities will take over and I will ruin anything good that I have! My hurt right now is so bad, it is physical. I can't eat or sleep and I feel exhuasted. I know that this relationship isn't over cause of anything lacking on my part but I can't feel better!
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 04-09-2003 - 10:35am
Lori - I've been watching you go through all of this for a while and I know how painful it is for you. Now - I know you may not want to hear this - but I think the next step is to pretty much break contact with him. You will not begin to heal until you take a few steps away.

You already know he is not what you want. And - no matter how much you want it - it's clear he is not going to morph into someone else (someone that would be right for you). You are strong and smart - and don't you think you deserve the best??? You sure do!

I really hope you can understand that I am just trying to help you here - I've been there, and moving on is the only thing that will really help.

Good luck & hugs - and feel free to email me if you need, okay??

Julie froggyfish@hotmail.com

 

Avatar for loritemp
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 04-09-2003 - 2:08pm
You are right, that is why I just need to get through this week, through his moving his stuff out. Then i can take time off from seeing him or talking to him. I have asked him to come over when i am at work to get his stuff but he doesn't so I think nexttim ehe comes, I am just going to leave, head to my parents or something. I can't really imagine not having him in my life, I wouldlike to at least try to be friends, part of me thinks that is all we were supposed to be in the first place! But I toldhim i can't do it right now and I can't do it alone. I need him to pursue it as well (he is the one who brought up the idea, said he always wanted to be part of each other's lives, said he still wants me to be part of his daughter's life). So, i think once this week and the moving is over, I can start to heal. Thanks so much for the support, it helps to know other's have been there and got through it all! Luckily, I go see my therapist tomorrow, he will get quite an earful, lucky guy, ha!
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2001
Sat, 04-12-2003 - 1:03am
I know there aren't any words that can be much consolation during this difficult time but I just want you to know I've been there and I know what you're going through. It doesn't seem like it now but it will get better. It's almost like you have to allow yourself to feel this pain to get over the hurdle. Heartbreak is emotionally draining!! There was a time when I broke up from someone I thought was my soul mate...7 years of utter happiness and then...nothing. I was so devastated I really thought I would die from the pain. It passed and I moved on and I feel it happened for a reason, as all things do.

Hang in there and take some time to work on your self esteem. Please don't turn it inward and feel you're not being pretty enough or funny enough. It has nothing to do with that. When you're ready talk to a trusted family member or friend or seek counseling.

Wishing you courage and strength.