Is it just me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Is it just me?
1
Mon, 04-14-2003 - 1:38pm
I'm impressed with the responses and support everyone gives and receives on this message board, so I'm gonna give it a shot! I'm in a relationship with a newly divorced man, and I've never been married. My previous relationship lasted 6 years and that ended 2 years ago. My new bf and I started dating while he was separated but before the divorce was final. We're now living together. Over the last few months I've noticed that I'm very sensitive to PMS, mostly the emotional symptoms. And guess what...It's that time again! I get very depressed, feel like crying alot, and suffer from very low self-esteem. I start to question myself, my worth, and then my mind dredges up painful past experiences and doubts. All the while, my bf is trying to understand my mood swings. Anyway, one of the things that keeps bothering me is I found out he likes to talk to women. There was one instance he met a woman at work, thought she was interesting and so started talking with her. He invited her for coffee and conversation, because he wanted to see what she was like. I found out about it, and then also found out that she didn't know about me. Now, I don't expect him to say, "HI, I'm so-and-so, and I have a girlfriend." No, but in my experiences, even in talking with the opposite sex, it just comes up in casual conversation...you know, like, "I had a good weekend, my bf and i went to a movie." I spoke to the lady, and she said she didn't know he had a gf and that if felt to her like he was "pursuing" her. He told me he just wanted to make a new friend. I wonder if this is how other guys are? Is this normal? In my opinion, I don't go seeking male friendships, because I know I have a bf. And if I do strike up a conversation with a male, the casual conversation does include alot of "we" or "bf." I'm afraid that because this has happened once, then it's happened again. I wonder how many girl "friends" he has. I may just be insecure...if I am, please tell me. Is it normal for guys to have casual conversations with girlfriends and the topic of their couple-status doesn't come up at all? One more question...Do you advise therapy for those that suffer these depressing lows only once a month? I feel like they're getting worse each time. Thanks for listening.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-1999
Mon, 04-14-2003 - 2:00pm
It's coming up to that time of the month for me too and believe me, I know what you mean about the temporary depression and self doubt. This started for me maybe 6 years ago. I stll get this way but when I start feeling depressed and look at the calendar it dawns on me that it's just PMS and will go away in a few days. It took a while for me to put the connection together. I called my gyno and she suggested taking Oil of Evening Primrose for about 2 weeks before my period. It took maybe 2-3 months but I did notice a difference. It was like one month I got my period and noticed I didn't have that depressed feeling for a change.

The other thing that helps me is, as I said, to notice the date and realize the depression is temporary. I can usually talk myself out of it and say, 'it's only PMS, your life is not that bad, look around you and notice other people who are far worse off. . .' This usually brings me down to earth a little. Maybe you can explain this to your boyfriend. He may or may not understand. (smile/wink)

As far as your question about you boyfriend and his female friend at work, I can't help you much. I've never really been in a serious relationship - ever - so I'm not sure how I would feel if I was in your situation. How do you know her and how did you find out she didn't know he has a girlfriend? I have a number of male friends at work but I don't do coffee with them on a regular basis. We chat in the mornng sometimes but don't make an appointment for a morning break at 10:15 or anything like that. I go to the softball games and hang with them and stop and chat in the hallways, etc., but I'm not in the habit of doing something like a coffee break with them. The men in my depatment, that's a little different. We chat regularly and I know who is married, dating, the usual. None of us are flirtatious as we all know each other more or less as co-workers, a 'team' or even boderline a (work) family.

Sorry I couldn't help you there,

Ben

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