Alienating people and potential friends
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|Fri, 04-18-2003 - 8:13pm|
I think alienating people has become my true specialty. I honestly don't think I am that outspoken of a person, on the contrary I have always realized the importance of keeping a certain restrain on opinions in general (and boy, we all have lots of them, as you know). I almost never speak out on the so called controversial issue such as racism, abortion, affirmative action, etc. with people I barely know, I either keep my personal views on those things to myself or leave them for closer friends.
Lately I am finding out that even those friends and acquaintances are becoming very touchy feely and overly sensitive just about anything. I don't think it's the circle of people I know in particular, I think it's the society in general, having become so politically correct and sensitive.
It's difficult to function when one cannot fully express how one really feels about issue. Wouldn't you agree?
Normally this wouldn't bother me, I really have somewhat of a thick skin (or is that what I keep telling myself, because after all I am here whining to you all..) but I really have only just a handful of friends. Mmm, something like three close ones. When I look back on the past I realize that the reason either I stopped talking to a few others or I ended friendships is because of things that were said on my part. Things such as: " I cannot believe you borrowed $200 from me last year and I haven't seen it back despite my need to get it back" and "What kind of a friend are you to run and tell your current boyfriend my business, that's a betrayal of trust". Typical female stuff.
About a week ago, I supposedly insulted another friend who may not be my friend anymore (she had confessed to mutual friends) when I said to her that in my opinion she lives in a white trash town (it was not intended to be a direct insult at her and she knows it). Well, excuse me, my comment may not have been in the ultimate classy style, probably not even necessary, but God knows, that's how I feel about her town, it is only the fact. The actual circumstances for this comment were that she has been nagging me to try to find a rental in her town for months now and finally I told her that the reason I would never move into it is again because it has questionable demographics, a lot of crime, etc.
I need an objective opinion on this one. I still think there was nothing wrong with my comment given I have known this girl for years and I thought she could take it. Apparently not.
What bothers me is that I have been told by my boyfriend that it is my outspokenness that turns people off. That may be, I am not trying to deny it. What's hard for me to swallow is that what I'm facing is not having a lot of friends because of it. Better yet, I am starting to tell myself that I will never be accepted by a majority of people unless I am very nice, very polite, and never critical. I don't know why all of a sudden conflicts with people really start to bother me. Is it because as I'm getting older I am having more of those> is that part of life or are we suppose to learn how to avoid the conflicts? I like having female friendships. I was never close with my mother and I feel like this is my chance to have a meaningful relationship going. I believe my self-esteem is beginning to suffer as an outcome but boy, I really don't want to change. But should I?