Feeling icky right now

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Feeling icky right now
2
Sun, 04-20-2003 - 4:38pm
Okay, Im sorry but Im deleting my original text.. basically i was feelin crappy b/c of somethin happenin w/my b/f but i feel guilty i wrote it lol , so im erasin it.....

sorry!! lol but im better now!! Feel much better....

*is very embarassed*... next time ill think 2wice before i post lol

~Lisa


Edited 4/20/2003 9:25:42 PM ET by cl-lamb1226

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-21-2003 - 1:34am
Ok so now can I feel icky? I am just hating my life right now. Today I got the "let's just be friends" by a guy I met on match.com. I'm not really bummed...this just shows me that once again I have such low self-esteem that I should not consider dating. I also saw my ex & we got together. I don't regret it, I just know I deserve a lot better.

I have been beating myself up lately & feel so depressed. I am just not feeling like I have anyone much less myself to live for. When I see my Dad I have this overwhelming guilt of what a bad person I was when I was younger & I can't seem to forgive myself. I have been in therapy & did the meds thing. Did you know Prozac causes some temporary memory loss...no wonder I was having problems with my job & my studies.

I do feel hopelss & feel like things will never get better. I am not feeling sorry for myself. I have tried everything.

Do you ever feel like just giving up? Give me a reason to live, because it is too painful staying alive at times.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-1999
Mon, 04-21-2003 - 9:13am
Could it be the recent holiday?

I'm so sorry you are both feeling so blah. Too often I think we put too much pressure on ourselves and feel our self-worth is based on outside things like boyfriends, etc. This is something that will always be with us. We have to be happy with ourselves first.

Re: th meds - when I was in grade school/middle school I was on medication for epilepsy and it made me like a zombie. My grades were terrible and I was put in special classes. Hence, I was labeled a dummy and grew up believing this about myself. When I was taken off the meds my grades picked up but in my mind I was still dumb. It's one of those things that will be with me for a long time even though I know it's not true.

Maybe it's springtime and the change of season. I know how you feel. Just this morning as I was walking to my car I wondered, 'Why do I do this? What is the meaning of life? So I'm going to buy a condo and work until I retire to pay for it and hopefully do the senior citizen bus trips with my friends when we're old, etc. Is that all there is to life?'

Part of this feeling for me might stem from the fact that yesterday I was at my cousin's house surrounded by family who are mostly married with kids. There were two other adult family members who are single, never married, but still it may have left me with the feeling of not accomplishing anything with my life.

I think I feel this way partly because I don't speak up enough for myself. I could have talked about my recent trip to FL and how I stayed at a lovely hotel, etc., but I kept it to myself. The same with the condo, I didn't talk it up. I've always been disgusted by people who brag too much and don't ever want people to think that of me so I keep many things to myself. Maybe I should brag a little but then I might feel badly about bragging. I also think that people would not be interested in things I have to say. I guess I need to find a happy medium.

I hope you are feeling better today.

Hugs,

Ben

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