Doing better

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Doing better
3
Mon, 04-21-2003 - 11:54am
Well I am not all that happy still have a touch of unhappiness. In any case I hope noone gets confuesed because this will probably post above the one I posted last week. So here's the deal: all last week (since I broke up with bf) i have been crying..who knows why. I miss him but don't want him back...but I do want him back...(get it). I wonder if I was just acting on my feelings at the time. That's why I am wishy/washy about the whole situation. So anyway he comes back in town today...he'll call I don't know when...I do know that I cannot call him first and I pray to God that when he does call I don't ask him back...I'll let him bring up the topic...but the more I talk I know the more I will want to say it. Yes I can block his call or ignore it but that will lead me to guilt and then I will apologize and the cycle begins. I have to take the call. Anyway I am better today than last week it actually started yesterday I was feeling good. I went to church saw the "Jesus" movies I am spiritual not religious....and it came to me; when Jesus was on the cross right before he died he said "It is finished" I have been saying that to myself all day yesterday whenever the thought of taking him back came into my head. One thing I should mention, two weeks ago my bf and I had planned to go out when I called to tell him I was on my way he wasn't home..I got upset and balled like a baby I got on my hands and knees and asked God to take it away I can't do this anymore and a week later I broke up with him. So what I am saying is God has answered my prayers and I need strength not to go back to where and what he delivered me from. That is what I am scared of. I hope this makes sense...I am not in a suicidal mood, I am "alright". Not happy...but not sad. Just wanted to let you know. One more thing...this whole "taking me back" is based on the assumption that he will do it. I feel that he will take me back. (he is just as bad as me I ask and he accepts) If he does say "no" then I will be fine with that. In fact I think I need him to say no. I have this "complex" of always wanting to please people and not have anyone be mad at me. So I guess that's why I feel the need to ask for him back because I feel that I've upsetted him. This has been a long ramble. I hope you can make out the points I was trying to make. I will keep you posted and if in my next post I say we are back together please don't get mad with me. Thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: vermae
Mon, 04-21-2003 - 1:44pm
Hi Vermae. I am sorry you have gone through a bad breakup. I have too in the past and I know how bad it hurts. I go to CoDA, the 12 step program for people pleasers, online, its also for controlling people too. Codependence Anonymous is for people who realize they have unbalancing relationships with others, usually people pleasing and occassionally controlling a bit. It has helped me alot. I go in an msn room, and they have 3 meetings a day. I try to go a few times a week. I see that others are like myself, and I see myself in others and my problems in others when they talk about how they feel. I do not want to date until I have this under control. It's possible to get it under control, the people pleasing, and to grow beyond it. They have face to face meetings too all over but I haven't attended them yet.
Avatar for loritemp
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: vermae
Mon, 04-21-2003 - 2:21pm
Hey, glad you updated! Someone sent me an email the otehr day with this in it (not sure if I posted this to you yet or not but here goes...) If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it! You can get through this, you can be a strong woman, doing for yourself and your kids! I know how hard it is, I recently broke up with my bf and at times I thought I would be able to put up with all the crap he gave me just to be with him again. Then over the weekend, someone who is going through something very similar (but she was married) told me she refuses to be bitter, she won't let him take one more day of her life. She said he obvioulsy isn't the man she thought he was, he can;tbe if he can treat her so poorly now. So, the man she was in love with is gone and is replaced but some jerk! How true! My ex is not the man i thought he was and while I miss that man i was so in love with, I feel like he is gone, the man i was willing to take back isn't worth my effort!

Sad days will come, but you will never be alone, you have your children! I know the urge to talk to him, to be the nice one, to have him (and people ) like you. But you have to love yourself first and that just might mean not answering the phone if he calls. Talking to him will confuse the issue. Please try to be strong, and know we are here for you!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: vermae
Mon, 04-21-2003 - 4:03pm
Thank you!!! Can you give me more information on how to connect on-line with others.