I need to do a jealousy vent!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
I need to do a jealousy vent!
5
Mon, 04-21-2003 - 3:51pm
I'm jealous. I'm 37 years old & still rent.

A friend today just told me that her man is buying a house, and does she want to move in???

I have all these friends whose guys pay the damn rent, or buy houses for them to live in. Or the girls just pay the utilities & groceries - whatever.

Meanwhile I'm with Mr. Cheapass who splits everything 50/50 - all of the time.

I mean - I have no problem supporting myself & whatever.....but geez, why not me??? booooo hoooooooo!!!!!!!! I'm never going to have a freaking house!!

Okay - I guess I'm done. My guy is wonderful in many ways, and I know I'm lucky. *** sigh*****

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-1999
Mon, 04-21-2003 - 4:36pm
That's perfectly okay, I would feel the same way. You know you can vent here anytime. I agree, how does this happen for some people and not all of us. I'll join you.

Yesterday at my cousin's house I overheard one of my female cousins telling my mom somthing and in the sentence was, 'my housekeeper is from . . .' She doesn't work and she has a housekeeper! Okay, she has two kids but she doesn't work? What does she do all day? She married a really nice guy at a fairly young age (in my opinion, 24?). Their first few years were a little tough, I give her that. They lived in a roach infested apartment in Washington D.C. (I visited and was paranoid the whole time. I even came home and thought I brought roaches with me.) But, geees! She has a housekeeper and doesn't work! Why can't the rest of us be so lucky?

I'll vent on another thing, 10 +/- years ago my friend bought her co-op. I couldn't even think of that back then. When I recently asked her about the whole mortgage process and her experience she confided that because she was buying a co-op most banks wouldn't lend money to her. She had to borrow from her trust fund. A trust fund? I never knew she had one. I guess when I heard that it just hit me funny. I know she doesn't have a lot of money, it's just when I hear trust fund I think 'rich'. Know what I mean?

Let's try to put a positive spin on this topic. Whatever powers that be know that all of us are strong and can take care of ourselves. All these other people who seem to get stuff handed to them can't take care of themselves and need that boyfriend or husband to help them make ends meet. Does that make you feel any better?

Hugs,

Ben

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2001
Mon, 04-21-2003 - 8:50pm
It is SO natural to feel envy of those around us that are getting more, doing more, being more....etc. We have a tendency to compare our lives to others. We all do this. The only thing you can do is make a plan. Sit down with your boyfriend and talk about things. Bring it up...the house thing....and see how he feels about it. If you have already, how about writing down a plan. When do you think you guys can swing it? If you give yourself a timeframe it will give you something to look forward to.

We all have different lives and I know exactly how you feel because I feel like at age 39 I have not accomplished what a lot of 30 yr olds have as far as a career. Ugh! It kills me, but I'm slowly doing something about it. Remember.....it won't be this way forever and having a house is not all that, lemme tell you. It's SO MUCH work, costly, and when things go wrong...oh gosh, the expense!!!!

I know how you feel too about the 50/50 deal. I look at it this way....you'll always be able to take care of yourself. Being dependent on someone else has its drawbacks and I know of a lot of women who pay dearly.

Take care!

P.. :)

Avatar for loritemp
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 04-22-2003 - 8:57am
I will give you the flip side. I bought a condo years ago and I am self sufficient. I meta guy, he moved in and I basically supported him. I ended upr esenting him, part of the reason we broke up. But now I am still in my condo, can still pay my bills and I am capable of living on my own. He is now living in his mom;s basement at the age of 28, sad if you ask me! A lot of these women who have men do things for them, if heaven forbid something happens, they will be lost! They will fall flat on their faces and will need another man to take care of them! Be proud of your independence and you ability to take care of yourself! But oh yeah, I do have the jealousy bug too, I am not above that emotion at all!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 04-22-2003 - 10:55am
Thanks everyone - all of you helped me feel a little better!!! I'm already feeling better today - I guess it was just the impact yesterday of yet another friend getting lucky.

I know I have my blessings too, so I'll remember to try & count them!

Hugs, Julie

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 04-22-2003 - 1:20pm
I totally feel you, Froggyfish! I am so sick of being independent and hearing "at least you know you can make it on your own"...I dont wanna make it on my own. I want a man that can take care of me and I want to sit at home and not have to worry about the bills. I have been working since 13 years old....mother wasnt around.....and am now only 24 and burnt out! I work a dead-end customer service position and it sucks! I have a girl friend who sits at home all day with her two kids, while she collects a welfare check, foodstamps, and insurance and cries about how hard it really is....yeah, right. Let me add that she has a 3 bedroom townhome that she only pays $110. per month for cause she is on subsidized housing and has her baby's daddy lives with her and he works and makes decent money. Im sorry, but I just needed to vent, too.