MEN

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
MEN
5
Wed, 06-04-2003 - 4:23pm
I believe that ignoring me emotionally is ABUSE. It is a form of control. It may not be as bad as hitting someone and physically damaging them, but non-the-less the emotional scars are there. I have been physically abused in a past relationship, but now I am in a relationship where he ignores my needs emotionally. He does not give much positive support and I need that. Yes, we have talked and talked and he has responded, but continues to go back to his original state of hermitsy within 2 weeks. I am sick of being treated like its only me with the problem as if he is above me on all levels.

I feel like I have married my mom...no emotions their either, but my husband grew up NOT evolving nor developing any relationships with women enough to understand them.

His mother is unemotional type person too. What can I do?

Avatar for loritemp
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: redsapphire35
Thu, 06-05-2003 - 8:49am
Have you considered couples therapy? My ex was emotionally immature and it was a strain! It was a part of the reason we broke up. I, like you, need someone I have an emotional connection with, I need to be able to talk to my SO, anytime, about anything! Since you think maybe your DH has these issues from his upbringing, maybe therapy would be beneficial!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: redsapphire35
Thu, 06-05-2003 - 9:04am
Hello and welcome to the board, glad to have you here.

Well - I can relate to what you are going through. I am going through a similar thing... my BF won't open up emotionally to talk about our relationship & our future, and it's DRIVING ME CRAZY.

You are married - but your needs are not being met. And I bet you are tired of having to drag stuff out of him. Changing a person is pretty much impossible. But you are not going to be happy if things remain the same.

I have to agree w/Lori's suggestion of trying counseling. He may not be keen on the idea if he is an emotionally closed person... but you need to stress to him how important it is to you - and that your relationship is in jeopardy. Sometimes a hard wake-up call is needed.

Good luck to you hon!

Julie

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2003
In reply to: redsapphire35
Fri, 06-06-2003 - 5:08pm
I definitely think couples counseling is the best thing for you both. I wonder if he actually realizes what he is doing. I know you have tried to talk to him in the past but since he grew up in an unemotional household he may not realize he is doing anything wrong.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
In reply to: redsapphire35
Tue, 06-10-2003 - 1:50pm
My husband has agreed to counseling and I need to find someone worthy/respectable.

My husband is the fidgety/nervous type who'd rather quickly get things over with....yes, including sex. :(

I hope this works and we don't regret it emotionally nor financially.

Will keep you up to date. Thanks!

Redsapphire35
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: redsapphire35
Tue, 06-10-2003 - 1:58pm
I'm so happy to hear that he will go..

Best of luck - please keep us posted, okay?

Hugs, Julie