Feeling lousy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2003
Feeling lousy
3
Wed, 06-04-2003 - 8:31pm
Hi everyone, im new to this board and thought i should try it out. I have been feeling really down lately ever since my boyfriend officially decided to break things off. We have had a long complicated past, and I will try to make a long story short.

About a year ago I broke up with him, after being together for three years, I broke his heart but i didnt feel like he was "the one" for me and i needed to end it. I was OK at first and he soon found a new girl who he started seeing seriously. Soon though i started to feel like i had made a big mistake, i started missing him so much. (not to mention that i really had not met anyone). He eventually broke up with his new girlfriend and we decided we could try it again. We started going out and seeing each other but everything was on his terms....talk to each other when HE had time, see each other when HE could, obvioulsy i could tell that things were no longer like they used to be. However i tried to ignore it and hope things would just go back to the way things were. I know he loved me so much, we talked about our future together, always complimented me, did nice things for me all the time. He did none of that now.

He decided it wasnt working a few weeks ago (i already knew that). But im so devastated. i feel so unatractive right now. I feel like the one person who used to love me more than anything i got rid of, needless to say i am very angry at myself and feel like i will never find "the one" now, and he may have been "the one". Sorry i was suppose to make this short, but i really need some advice. my self esteem is going out the window and everyday i hope and pray that i will meet someone just so i can get over him and make me feel better about myself again. Any advice?

Avatar for loritemp
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: tylal
Thu, 06-05-2003 - 8:46am
I know how you feel, I recently broke up with my BF of 3 years and the day he moved out of the house, I thought my heart was going to literally break in half! But as time passes, I am strating to realize that if we realy were meant to be together, is he really was the one, then we would be together! If your ex was "the one", it would have worked out. I know that sounds so simplistic, but it is true! So that is the first thing you need to realize! Then you need to spend some very selfish time on yourself. What makes you happy, what would make your life feel full? And don't say a new boyfriend, that isn't going to do it! If you aren't happy being single, you will never be happy in a relationship! Yeah, of course, I flip back and forth, have good days and bad, miss my ex so much it hurts! But I am really enjoying my life, I am reconnecting with friends, trying new things and making myself happy! And when someone new does come into my life, he will find me happy, healthy and ready for something wonderful!

Come here any time you want to vent, cry or scream, that is what we are here for!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: tylal
Thu, 06-05-2003 - 8:56am
Hello and welcome to the board.

Well, after reading your post I though to myself "Loritemp" would be great to answer to this post - and I see that she already did ;)

I'm really sorry you are feeling so crappy. And it's normal after what you have gone through. It's going to take some time to heal - but you will, I promise.

I can't explain why your ex did what he did - who knows?? Maybe after having his heart broken, he changed. Or - he realized that you two were not meant to be. Or he was bruised & bitter & wanted to hurt you back. Regardless - it just didn't work out.

Don't let ONE man make you feel unattractive, or undesirable. He doesn't deserve to have that power over you honey :)

I'm telling you - I did EXACTLY this same thing about 4 years ago. I broke up w/a guy, then wanted him back - and then he told me it "wasn't worth it". I was like 'Whattt??'

I'm glad you found us - I hope we can all help you out & to heal. Things will get better :)

Hugs, Julie

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2003
In reply to: tylal
Fri, 06-06-2003 - 5:21pm
I am sorry to hear about how you are feeling. One thing I thought of when reading your message was that there was a reason why you broke up in the first place. Have you thought about what that reason was? Sometimes we know someone isn't right for us and after we make that decision we lose sight of that. We doubt ourselves. Try to take some time out to think about that - maybe you'll realize that you two are not meant to be.

I hope this helps...