please help me...intimacy issues.
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|Sat, 06-14-2003 - 3:56pm|
I've had moderate acne since I was a teenager...sometimes it's been more under control than other times, but it's always been there. I've been to dermatologists, but none of them have been able to keep it under control. I am at the point where I don't feel comfortable in front of ANYONE (especially my husband) without makeup on to cover the imperfections.
I feel really unattractive, and because of this, I feel uncomfortable being affectionate with my husband. I cringe when he looks at me, and I have a huge problem being affectionate with him when he can see me. I know he loves me and he finds me attractive, but I just can't get over the feeling that he sees every flaw I see when I look in the mirror...like he's going to discover that I'm not what he thinks I am.
Beyond sex, I'm not even really comfortable kissing him or being near him when he is looking directly at me.
The problem is compounded by the fact that my husband has practically perfect skin. When he does get a pimple, he makes this huge deal about it, like it is the most disgusting thing in the world, which makes me feel even worse, obviously. I don't actually think that he is trying to say that I am disgusting, he just maybe doesn't think about it. He has actually said, on the rare occasion I have mentioned it around him, that he has never thought of me as someone who has a problem with acne.
I know I need some kind of therapy, but I can't afford it. This is ruining me life. I want to stop this obsessing so that my relationship with my husband can get back to the loving, affectionate relationship we used to have. I know he is really frustrated with me, too, but I can't discuss my specific reasoning for the way I am with him...it's too humiliating. Can anyone here help me?