new

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
new
3
Mon, 06-23-2003 - 7:28am
Hi all!

I'd like to share my story, I realize that it might be long-sorry!

I'm Cynthia, 24, and have recently moved in with my BF. The last weeks I've started to feel down. Not really depressed, but I'm not the one I used to be. Smiling takes me effort, while it used to be a daily thing... I've felt like this before, about 2 years ago, but then the breakup with my ex-fiancee resolved most of the problems.

I'm not sure what's wrong with me, but I don't feel like who I want to be. My study is suffering, I feel I'm not able to do it. But objectively I should be, I've passed many exams already without much effort. Everything I have to do is a big big mountain to climb. I feel I'm on the edge of depression, and since I really don't want that to happen to me, I'm looking for some support here.

I used to be (as a kid) really self-confident, active. Now I feel I only can think of things I don't like about myself. You want to know what? I feel: incompetent, chaotic, lazy, not a person who pushes herself to finish something that is not very easy to do, stupid, out of control. I could go on and on.

There are two things that worry me: I'm so afraid that if I don't cheer up soon my bf will say goodbye to me (although he has assured me he will always love me, no matter what). The other thing is my study. I'm quite close to getting my masters, but feeling so incompetent to go the last bit.

Please, can you help?

Cynthia

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: mouse_nl
Mon, 06-23-2003 - 9:01am
Hello Cynthia, welcome to the board!

Hmmm, well after I read your post, I found it kind of interesting that you experienced this before.. yet felt better after ending a relationship. Now here you are again, having recently moved in with someone & going through it again. Maybe it has something to do with a loss of independence that you feel, or fear? You don't mention anything "bad" about these relationships, so I'm guessing that it doesn't have anything to do with the guys treatment of you.

Nonetheless, it does sound like you are a bitdepressed. How long have you felt this way? If it persists, or has been going on for a long time, it might be a good idea to try & talk to someone about it (a professional at school, perhaps?) Just to sort out your feelings & see if there is a cause.

Try not to worry about your BF "not loving you"... he loves you - and love is about sticking through the ups & downs of a relationship :) Worry about you & feeling better. Do your best at school... try not to put too much pressure on yourself.

Sorry if I'm not much help.....

Hugs, Julie

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: mouse_nl
Mon, 06-23-2003 - 10:30am
Cynthia,

Hello and welcome to the board! I know it won't help if I tell you that this feeling at your age is fairly common but it is. I went through it (and still am to some degree) and it will end. As for your bf, if he truly loves you then you have nothing to worry about him leaving you because of a time of sadness.

MANY times (as was the case with me), when you feel like you are on the edge of depression, you are actually already there. It is hard to self-diagnosis and seeing your Dr. might really be helpful. That is what I would recommend first! Second, continue to come here and use the wonderful people here for support. So, take care and keep us posted!

Wredd

"The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated." ~Gandhi

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-1999
In reply to: mouse_nl
Mon, 06-23-2003 - 11:23am
Hi Cynthia and welcome. Julie brought up some good points. Another idea crossed my mind when I read your posting. I had a similar weirdness happen to me as I was about to get my bachelor's degree. I had been going to school at night for YEARS. I only took 1-2 classes a semester depending on the semester (one in fall, 2 in spring, etc.) The last two weeks of school I started experiencing panic attacks. I think it was a combo of things but one of them being 'now what do I do?' I'll have my degree but what will I do with it? I'll have all of this free time, what will I do with it. It was like a chapter of my life was closing and I wasn't sure what was next. It did pass in time but it was a very confusing feeling. I should have been happy, no more school! Yippee!

I like Julie's theory about your moving in with your BF might make you feel like you are losing your independence. Try seeing a counselor at your school and see if that helps. You have a lot on your mind right now and it all adds up to STRESS.

Hugs,

Ben

<?xml:namespace prefix = v ns = "urn:schemas-microso