Can you believe this?!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2001
Can you believe this?!!!!
Sun, 06-29-2003 - 10:20pm
I am DONE with hosting home parties!!! I am so done with them it's not funny.

I plan this Pampered Chef party because I wanted to earn enough points to get free stuff....I just love their products. I send out 26 invites and many people told me honestly they couldn't make it but that they'd like to order. Great! But I had about 6 people who told me they would definitely be there and they couldn't wait. Well, 2 show up and the other 4 didn't even call me. Talk about a blow to my self-esteem. Here I am thinking...okay, they really don't like me and they're just pretending.. :( I went through so much shopping for the munchies, I spent all of Saturday cleaning and dusting and rearranging things so my house would look nice. I was soooo exhausted last night my body ached......then I was up at 7:30 am just to make sure everything was perfect. Sigh! What a letdown. The thing I don't understand is why couldn't they call me???? I gave them all my home phone just in case. I just don't get it and this is the second time this has happened to me. The other parties I've given have been okay but it's just that I spend alot of time planning and preparing and with my daily schedule being so tight (full time outside job and a family) my time is very precious to me. You live and you learn I guess but still.......I AM DONE WITH HOME PARTIES!

Thanks for letting me vent.. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-1999
Mon, 06-30-2003 - 8:43am
I hear you. Years ago I used to have small dinner parties for friends. The first one went off without a hitch but after that I had simiarl experiences. The last time was the last straw. I think I invited 5-6 people over. Only one person showed. Now mind you, the other 3 people did call to cancel but still I was pissed. I made this nice dinner, bought extra cocktails ingredients, picked up the place, etc., and an hour before I get the phone calls they can't make it. One was from a couple, the wife wasn't feeling well. I was thinking that the husband could have come and at least brought food home to her. I was stuck with a ton of food and there was just my best friend and myself to eat it and/or pack it away in the freezer. I think I asked her if she wanted to take a couple of portions home for the next week.

It's a big blow to the esteem when this happens and there is a lot of work involved. I've only been to one Pampered Chef party so I know what you are talking about. It's like a Mary Kay party for the kitchen.

Did anyone call the next day to explain their absence? If not I think you should call them. That's just plain rude on their part, unless it was something sudden like a visit to the emergency room.

I'm sorry to hear this happened to you. I hope you feel better as the week progresses.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 06-30-2003 - 9:57am
Man, that stinks. How RUDE of them! I will never understand how people can do that. If you can't come - call the hostess. What is so hard about that?

I know that sometimes these parties can feel like pressure to purchase things, and perhaps they just didn't know how to act like adults & deal with the situation. I mean - if they are tight on cash, they could tell you "I'd love to come but - I can only spend a few bucks".... or whatever the case may be.

I was at a bridal shower yesterday & someone hinted at me about having a candle party at my place. And I simply said "oh, honestly - I have WAY too many candles - and my friends & I have all agreed to not give candles as gifts, because we are overloaded". And that's the honest truth.

I agree w/Bennie - give the "no shows" a call if you can. Say "ohhh, I was worried, you did say you were coming and you never called.." They deserve a guilt trip (unless they had an emergency, of course).

Sorry it happened. I know it's hard to not take it personally (hug)

Let me know if you talk to them, I am very curious!

Hugs, Julie


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2001
Mon, 06-30-2003 - 10:22pm
Thanks Ben!!... :)

Sorry to hear about that dinner party you planned.. :( It just never ceases to amaze me how thoughtless people can be. Reading about your dinner party reminded me about a similar experience I had. I usually have lunch about twice a month with a friend I've known for 6 yrs. We met at work and we still work for the same company. I know her husband too and they're cool people. The hubby is a bit anti-social at, he won't go to company functions, hates crowds so he won't go to festivals or amusement parks, movies, etc. Once before I invited them for a belated Xmas get-together with me and my hubby at my place. It was going to be a great time! I asked what they felt like having and Mexican was the choice so I'm shopping for all these cool goodies to make and eat. I clean the house like crazy, put the food on and about an hour before they were suppose to show....the wife calls to cancel. UGH!! She said her hubby didn't feel well. I could've died!

Well, 2 of the 4 people that didn't show contacted me today. Actually, when I got to work one of them had already sent me an email apologizing. She said she lost my invite with all my info (phone, address) on it. Then the other one called to say she thought it was on Sat. instead of Sun and that she misplaced the info too...hmmm. Anyway, I felt better that they contacted me but it's still mind boggling. When someone gives me an invite I always keep it in sight so I don't space it and so I have the info in case I'm able to go. Oh well, I guess everyone is different. Get of the other 2 who hasn't contacted me is my brother's girlfriend. This is SO not like her so I'm really shocked. She emailed me twice to say she was looking forward to it...strange. I'm going to shoot her an email tonight and see what happens.

Anyway, hope any future dinner parties you have go well. I think I'm going to lay off those types of things for awhile. It's just too exhausting and expensive for it not to turn out good, you know?

Hugs to you too,

Paula.. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2001
Mon, 06-30-2003 - 10:35pm
Thanks Julie!!.. :)

Oh, I know. It is soooo rude and it really bothers me. I guess it makes me feel as though they don't consider me important enough to extend the courtesy of a call. That's probably taking it way too far...but that's how I felt yesterday.

I had many people who were upfront with me and declined, but they purchased anyway. I totally understand not wanting to give up a Sunday afternoon. We all work very hard and enjoy our free time. I've turned down some parties so I know.

Two of the four contacted me today. One of them emailed me first thing saying how sorry she was but that she lost my phone # and address. The other one misplaced my info too. I felt better that they called me at least. Guess what? One of the other two that didn't call me yet is my brother's girlfriend!! Oh!! This is SO not like her. She emailed me TWICE saying she would be at my party. In fact, she invited me to her candle party and then had to reschedule it because my brother didn't feel like having company. He's been dealing with an illness and gets real moody at times. I'm going to try to call her or email her and I'll let you know what happens.

Good for you for turning down that candle party. I'll remember that the next time someone asks me to do another home party!

Thanks again!

Take care,


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-01-2003 - 10:15am
Hi Paula,

How about you do everyone 2 days before & confirm they wil make it & say there is no pressure to buy.

I hate to say this but in order for me to deal with people like this, I have to tell myself that "people are inconsistent" & "it's more a reflection on them, not me".

It really does say something about them when people behave like this. They aren't "doing" this to you, they just don't know how to act properly...i.e. good manners.

I agree that you should hold off. Take a breather & just sympathize that these people have a tendency to be flakey no matter how close or how somewhat related they may be. It would be hurtful to me as well.

Hang in there, dust yourself off & just chill for awhile.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2001
Sat, 07-05-2003 - 9:16pm
Yes, that's what I'm going to do....chill for awhile. I realize that people are inconsistent and that sometimes they just don't know how to "do the right thing." Maybe I'm expecting too much....or expecting everyone to be like I am. When I'm invited I say "no" if it's absolutely not possible or "yes" if it is. Believe me, I will be at the party because I know they're expecting me. It becomes a commitment to me and once I commit...I'm there! Everyone isn't this way and I can't expect them to be. That's okay. I know it's not something against me...but it is a let down.

I'm feeling much better now about things. Thanks for your response!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Sun, 07-06-2003 - 6:38am
I don't know how people can be that rude, it will not waste their precious time if they try to call and tell they can't make it to your party.

I've always been afraid of managing a party in my house , I have a feeling that nobody will show up to my party and I really don't won to put my self in such situation cause I don't know how my self-esteem will be after that kind of shock .

I don’t know what to say I'm happy that you are feeling better. By the way I act like you when I say I'll do or not do a thing I act like it’s a commitment and I expect people to do the same cause this is the way it should be, but you know people are not the same .just try not to take it personal and remember its their loose when they miss your party that you tried to make it perfect for them.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2001
Sun, 07-06-2003 - 9:10pm
Thanks for your response. Yes, I know that shock to the self-esteem all too well. It really affected me in a negative way and it takes a lot of self-talk to get over things like this......and coming to the boards too... :) Everyone has helped me a great deal.

That's great that you commit yourself, too, to things like this or any other event you're invited to. It says a lot about you as a person.

Take care!