Needing to Cope with my Life Better

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2000
Needing to Cope with my Life Better
4
Tue, 07-01-2003 - 10:13am
Hello,

This is my first time on this board and I've read a few posts. Please bear with me, because I'm feeling kinda down right now and wondering what the heck is wrong with me. My life is blessed in many ways and my faith is strong. This may sound whiny but really it's venting.

Am really wondering what the heck is wrong with me. It feels like I'm not managing my life well right now at all and I wonder how others seems to have it all together and are in better control of their lives.

I believe the thing that adds much to my depression is my job. It's not the job, it's working 11pm -7:30 am and having to work weekends. I truly Hate working this shift for a couple of reasons. #1, it is not normal for your body and I am just sick and tired of being sick and tired. Of fighting my body clock. The past 2 nights I've called in sick to work, basically because of exhaustion/depression. The other piece is working this shift- one feels as if you're always trying to fit your screwed up schedule into the "normal" world.

For example, Sat. night I'd worked and slept from 10:00am - 2:30pm and got up and dressed to go to a birthday barbecue. The party had actually started @1:00 and my son was already there. My husband waited for me to get ready and we arrived together. I'd complained to him - saying "How would you feel if you had to get up @2:00 in the morning to go to a function?" and he said he never really thought of it like that. And someone made a comment about my being late. Hey, it was the best I could do- to get there when I did.

I feel like I can never get my act together. On my nights off, I enjoy being up during the day and sleeping @night. It is a treat.

I've been in school part time since May 27th in order to change careers. Am not going to spend the rest of my life working nights and weekends. Don't know how other people do it but obviously some people are okay with it- after all the money is good and the benefits and many people work lots of overtime. That's just not me.

Am going to school to become a nail technician. My husband supports me in whatever I choose to do. The nail industry is booming and nail techs are in high demand. One of the instructors told us when job hunting we could basically write our own ticket. If one only wanted to work 3 days per week- there's a salon that would hire you. All the women who have graduated since I've been @ school have all gotten jobs even before they graduated and took their state boards. Average starting salary is about $30,000.

Members of my family have scoffed at this choice. My father in particular and my mother laughed because I used to bite my nails for years. (ha- since I've been in school I've been "shamed" into letting them grow.) This was a difficult choice for me to venture out and try something new where I don't have the most confidence in myself. Fear of failing.

Sometimes I've felt really good going into school and other times felt insecure. I practiced so much @home doing manicures that when we had to do a mani in front of the instructor- she said we were ready to do work on real clients. Thing is- last week there was another graduation Thurs. night and we didn't have class really and Friday I was not @school due to daycare problem. Guess I am just nervous about starting out. Plus I am not good with math, handling money, and there is going to come a time when I'm going to be learning the cash register...

I hate this voice that tells me I'm not going to be able to do this. The voice that beats me up.

Have been treated for depression for 2 years now. Have not had my prozac refilled in 2 days but have been taking the wellbutrin. Am sure not taking prozac has caused some of this.

A big cause of concern and worry is over my 12 year old son. He is also being treated for depression. He was hospitalized over a year ago. He has been in therapy and I don't really think they've been doing much for him. He did poorly last quarter in school and he is struggling w/his weight. We've been having trouble in the disipline department. He talks back and has raised his voice to my husband and I. He seems to get really mad over unneccessary stuff. Like how he "hates" his sister's friends- but that is no excuse for being rude towards anyone.

There was an incident recently where we'd gone to a lake w/my girlfriend and her 2 children plus my daughter(10 years old) has 2 friends with her as well. My son was just being very negative and confrontational. He wouldn't change into his bathing suit because of the other people. His sister and friends were on the swings and my girlfriend came over to me and told me he was causing trouble. He was threatening the girls. I couldn't believe it. My friend told me another mother had told her child they needed to leave and this was due to my son's behavior. It is just not right and I don't understand why the therapist isn't getting to the bottom of this.

My daughter does very well in school and doesn't have a weight problem.

It feels like there is never enough time and I don't know what to do first. Am sure everyone feels like this.

I really I am stressed out over my son because I feel like I'm failing him. Every month I take off from work when I have pms. It is ridiculous. I wonder if I should ask my dr. about changing meds.....

Sorry so long. Just feeling lost.

Wldangel2000



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Avatar for loritemp
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 07-01-2003 - 10:43am
I am sorry you are feeling so down. Right off teh bat, one thing i can tell you is dont' assume other people have it so together! Behind closed doors, i am sure they have similar fears and anxiety! The grass always seems greener but rarely is! I give you tons of credit for going back to school and changing careers! And for anyone wholaughs at your choice, tell them to go to a nail salon on a Sat morning and estimate the money coming in (tips too) and see if they are still laughing! Don't stress about the cash register stuff, it is just new, youwill get the hang of it!

As for your son, I don't know what advice to give you, I don't have kids. But maybe work on the weight issue as a family thing, make healthy meals, encourgae physical activities for the family, bike rides, walks, etc. Do you sit in with the therapy sessions ever? Maybe you need some time to discuss yoru concerns with the therapist and see if it helps. I am sure your son isn't exposing the full picture.

I wish you lots of luck. This board is so great, very supportive so post whenever you need to!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-02-2003 - 9:01pm
Hi.

First of all I'd like to say that anyone who is juggling as much as you are would feel overwhelmed and stress. It's really hard working the grave yard shift because not only are you fighting your body clock you are also fighting the scedule that most people operate on. I give you credit for actually making it to the birthday party with your children. It's also hard to schedule time with your children when you are in a completely different sleep schedule.

I know that when things seem overwheling that is difficult not to feel helpless and depressed. You might talk to your doctor about modifying or changing your medication so that it is more effective in helping you to manage your depression. I know it's hard with your schedule and the demands of going to shool, but do you have a therapist? Having someone who is nonjudgemental to talk to can really give you ongoing support. It can also help you to keep your problems in perspective so you don't feel that you are the only person in the world who has occasional difficulty coping. I've been on medication for 5 years, but I still need the support that my therapist provides.

As for your son's treatment, his therapist should meet with you on a regular basis. You should not have to rely on your son to inform you about his goals and progress in his treatment. You can not help your son if you don't have the information that you need. The therapsit should have some joint sessions with you and your son to work on behavior issues that effect your family. The therapist should also meet with you seperately to discuss ways to modify your son't behavior. His therapist should help you to create a workable structure for changing your son's behavior, the therapist should also help you to modify the structure to increase it's effectiveness in helping to manage your son's behavior. If you find that your son's therapist is unwilling to work with you on helping your son to achieve his treatment goals and learn to help him to manage his behavior, you might ask for referal to a therapist who is more oriented toward child and family treatment. Working together with his therapist can be effect in helping you son to improve his behavior.

Hope this helps.

Renee

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2000
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 8:45am
Loritemp,

Thank you for your encouraging words. Sometimes a kind, encouraging word means a world of difference.

2 women in my night class did pedicures for 2 older ladies and they both got $10 tips. This was their first pedicures on clients. And tonight when I go to school- there might be a pedi scheduled for me!!!! I have only done 1 pedi one another student.... and no manicures on any clients yet. Well, I will have to borrow my children's feet today and get some practice. I really need to chill out and relax. These clients understand we are students. It is okay to be nervous while learning and maybe I should cut myself some slack.

For me the greatest thing about this will be being able to work days. Many pediatrists are sending their patients to nail techs for pedicures. Some day I might like to work for a pediatrist or work in a nursing home. Or go into a nursing home from time to time.

Ya know, I'm going to be 38 years old in August and obviously this is my life and my choices and if someone doesn't like or agree with it- well too bad. My husband supports me and so that is what matters. My mother doesn't seem to recognize me as a capable adult. She is also a perfectionist and nothing is ever good enough for her.

I visited w/a girlfriend yesterday. She is willing to go with me to speak to my son's therapist and tell him what she's observed in his behavior. She's known him since birth. Many times I've sat in on the visits. There is a reason for my son's behavior and I am looking to this therapist to find the causes and advise me on what to do for my son. Have already changed therapists once. He advises me to get my son involved in activities and to be more social. He does play the drums. He's not interested in sports. I told him "If my son was "well" then he would be involved in more activities and be more social. It's a catch 22."

Have a happy 4th,

Wldangel

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2000
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 9:00am
Hi Renee,

Thanks for responding to my post.

You made some valid points as far as therapy goes. My son should go home with a new concept or new way of thinking and/or goal for himself when he leaves that therapist. Whatever I need to be doing differently as a parent- I want to know.

As far as therapy for myself, I'm sure I'm a candidate!!!! I honestly don't know where I'd find the time at this point. Once in awhile I'll catch an alanon meeting or make it to church on Sunday.

At my age I really feel I should be "over" some stuff and not let my mother get to me. She was good for telling me I shouldn't feel a certain way, or I took something the wrong way, or the famous response"You're twisting it. You're twisting what I said. I didn't mean that." She's told me she knows other people who work this shift and they don't have a problem. We had a spat over that one and when I express myself it always comes out that I've HURT HER and twisted things and then she'll say she guesses we don't have the mother/daughter relationship she thought we had. So, she is good w/guilt trips too.

I always have to hear about her feelings and her hurt. I told her when she comments on me being late or missing an appointment, whatever the case may be- that she makes me feel like I've failed. Okay, I let her make me feel like I've failed and can't do anything right, it's not good enough.

Ha, you are right. I do need my own therapist! lol.

Anyway, you have a great 4th of July weekend.

Wldangel



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