I need advice... or something...
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|Tue, 07-01-2003 - 3:30pm|
For as long as I can remember I have always been the very emotional type. I have been very good for a while about it but now I realy feel like I am in a slump. My brother is going to have surgery this comming monday on his back (he's 16!) I don't think I please my man right, I am in the mood but sometimes not so much as him, after a long arguement about a year or two ago with my mother, it feels very uncomfortable about her and I am going to the hospital with her this sunday, I feel at times like I have no real TRUE friends. Their minds are still back in High School mode. The only friend that is somewhat understanding and listens to me is my ex... go figure huh? But I haven't talked to him in a while considering he wishes to be back with me in the future and he's GETTING MARRIED THIS NOV.!!!??? As well as me BEING MARRIED!! So I really can't talk to him with out feel like he's going to bring something up from the past, or look at me a certian way, etc. I am tired of feeling sad at times. Sometimes out of the blue I'll start crying. And somethings that my husband may be joking about, I sometimes take it the wrong way. I know he gets tired of seeing me cry all the time. I wish I was able to live someone elses life for a while sometimes and not be so caring as well as emotional.
I also want to become my own person. But I don't think at times that it is possible with me thinking about it or stressing about it so much. I have grown up as a child to follow the rules and your parents and elders etc. Now that I am an adult (22) I want to form my own with out worrying if people, friends, family will agree with it. Now don't get me wrong I am ... somewhat... happy with the way I was brought up, but there are alot of things I wished would have changed. I love my mother to death and I know she ment well, just a few things I just don't agree with. I have always made sure that I was pleassing everyone I never "let lose" I guess you can say. My husband insists that I should have established my own idenity a while back, should I have? There are times when I feel so drained, and in desprite need of a huge gigantic hug and have that person never let me go. :)