I need advice... or something...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2003
I need advice... or something...
Tue, 07-01-2003 - 3:30pm
*I appologize in advance for my complaining but I really need to get it out and feel that this is a good place to vent. You not need to read if you wish not to.*

For as long as I can remember I have always been the very emotional type. I have been very good for a while about it but now I realy feel like I am in a slump. My brother is going to have surgery this comming monday on his back (he's 16!) I don't think I please my man right, I am in the mood but sometimes not so much as him, after a long arguement about a year or two ago with my mother, it feels very uncomfortable about her and I am going to the hospital with her this sunday, I feel at times like I have no real TRUE friends. Their minds are still back in High School mode. The only friend that is somewhat understanding and listens to me is my ex... go figure huh? But I haven't talked to him in a while considering he wishes to be back with me in the future and he's GETTING MARRIED THIS NOV.!!!??? As well as me BEING MARRIED!! So I really can't talk to him with out feel like he's going to bring something up from the past, or look at me a certian way, etc. I am tired of feeling sad at times. Sometimes out of the blue I'll start crying. And somethings that my husband may be joking about, I sometimes take it the wrong way. I know he gets tired of seeing me cry all the time. I wish I was able to live someone elses life for a while sometimes and not be so caring as well as emotional.

I also want to become my own person. But I don't think at times that it is possible with me thinking about it or stressing about it so much. I have grown up as a child to follow the rules and your parents and elders etc. Now that I am an adult (22) I want to form my own with out worrying if people, friends, family will agree with it. Now don't get me wrong I am ... somewhat... happy with the way I was brought up, but there are alot of things I wished would have changed. I love my mother to death and I know she ment well, just a few things I just don't agree with. I have always made sure that I was pleassing everyone I never "let lose" I guess you can say. My husband insists that I should have established my own idenity a while back, should I have? There are times when I feel so drained, and in desprite need of a huge gigantic hug and have that person never let me go. :)

Avatar for loritemp
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 07-02-2003 - 9:31am
I am sorry you are feeling this way! You really do need to establish a sense of self! It is muchahrder when you are in a relationship but you can do it! Take some time, start a journal or something and justwrite down what you feel, what you want from your life, where you want it to and where you see it going. I recently ended a long term relationship and am reesablishing who I am as an individual. It is hard work but so well worth it! I love having my own life and my own interests. And now I look forward to finding someone who fits into that lifestyle I have established. Talk to your husband abouthow you feel and what you need to do to understnad yourself, hopefully hw iwll be supportive and help you through this! Hugs!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2000
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 9:12am

Hugs to you. You are a work in progress. You'll be fine. I'm much older than you and it still is a conscious decision to not let my parents affect me negatively. "To thine own self by true."

As far as friends go, I've recently lost someone who claimed to be my best friend. It really hurts but you know what? I am still the same wonderful person I was when we shared a friendship and you are a wonderful person regardless of how many friends you think you may or may not have.

Keep your chin up,



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2003
Thu, 07-03-2003 - 9:20pm
Thank you for the support. I'll probibly be posting here from time to time if that is ok. Right now I have to keep my mind on my younger brother. He is going to be having surgery on his back this monday. He has scroilusious (sp) The surgery is considered to be very common. I just hate the word surgery. My grandpartens on my mom side used to go back and fourth for a long time and a few close calls. I know he is young (16) and he will do fine, but I hate seeing my family go through pain and hooked on to things etc. I have been lucky *knock on wood* The only things major in my life were a catscan and a chipped tooth. Well anyways, I am going to do the journalling then when I am gone. I will be gone for a week for my brother. When I return, we'll see how things go. I will keep you guys posted...

Thank you for reading. I know that it may have sounded like a pitty party but at the time I really needed to vent and like I said my friends arehard to talk about seriously about something like this. Again thank you. :) *hugs*

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Fri, 07-04-2003 - 8:20pm
Hi, when I read your post I was shocked, are you me (except of the part that your best friend is your ex).

Check this out,

I'm emotional type , I have no real true friends , I have grown up as a child to follow the rules and your parents and elders etc , I'm married , I need people approval and I want to become my own person .

I know my post is not helping, but at least you know that there is someone with you in the same boat.and if anyone posts an advice it will be for both of us