So lost on what to do

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
So lost on what to do
Tue, 07-01-2003 - 8:55pm

I have been a web designer for 2 years now and I love it. I used to be a copywriter but I hated that. I am self taught in web design and work for a great company.

However, I get no support which, in turn just eats away at my self esteem.

Two years ago I received my very own account to manage. However, the client can't let go of my boss, who used to manage it. And every time she has questions or advice she goes to him or the database girl. It's a total slap in my face. I offer advice, suggestions, show enthusiasim to her on her project but it's like 'yea yea, be a nice girl while I talk to the REAL people."

Same with work. The site I work on needs a redesign. I decided here's my chance to show them I have talent in design. I researched and started on 5 different prototypes. The whole time my boss kept saying to me "yea that's nice but we need a REAL designer on it." What the f***??? I don't want to hear that "REAL" designer bull****. Everyone in my company was at one time something else so no one is a 'real' anything. I KNOW in my heart and soul I am a very good designer. It's just applying the technology to it that is my downfall at the moment. It just takes me slightly longer since I am self taught and have only done this now for 2 years. But again, I have excellent design sense. My friend who is a designer always asks me for advice and every time he goes with my advice, his project is winning hands down with his clients.

Finally at work, the problem is that the CEO tells me one thing but doens't tell my boss. For example, the CEO wants me and my boss to work closer. Great. I"m up for it. However my boss knows nothing about it and it's hard for me to go up to him and say "you know the CEO said you have to work closer with me." Why is it my job to be the messenger when no one takes me as serious as it is???

I feel so useless at work .I do NOT want to look for another job because I do have it good and I won't get this type of pay anywhere else. But it's really hard on the self esteem to see everyone get praise and encouragement and I feel like I"m some useless joke.

My husband says to just work on fake projects to build up a portfolio and when I have enough if I want, move on. Or show them the projects as proof that I have skills/talent.

And while he's right, I get discouraged sooooo easily when I hear things like "get a REAL designer on it" or my own client doesn't even recognize me. It's like what is the point, I always will be a joke in the job world just floating by.

All this surely doesn't help the ol depression level, that's for sure.

Thanks for listening.

Avatar for loritemp
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 07-02-2003 - 9:26am
Welcome to the board! I know how frustrating it can be! I am a research scientist and used to work with a group of medical docs. They used to give me the attitude hat if I really were smart, i woul dhave gone to medical school. I never once had any desire to do that, i never applied, never thought to apply! But in their eyes, they were so much better than me cause they had MD after their name! In reality, they were lost when I left!

I like your husband's suggestion, build up a portfolio for yourself and either show them what you can do or take your talents elsewhere! You know you can do design, don't let anyone tell you otherwise, especailly people who don't take the time to really get to know your work!

I wish I oculd give your more advice but just know a lot of other people have been through similar situations and we are here for you if you need to talk!