Think I am getting the brush off...

Avatar for loritemp
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Think I am getting the brush off...
Wed, 07-09-2003 - 8:42am
Well, I was so excited about the date I had and now it has been a week and I haven't heard from him! Did I read the night totally wrong? I thought we had a great time, we were out all night (and he had to work the next day), he mentioned severl times through the night that he wanted to see me again, even got a few kisses before he got inhis car. I called and left a message for him and I have yet to hear from him! A bit of a blow to the self esteem, and makes me wonder how wrong I could have read this situation! I am not that upset, not really upset about the guy but just wondering if I will ever meet someone! Been having the doom and gloom about being alone forever thing, which is so silly, why even worry abou tthat stuff right now?!

I am going to see my therapist today and feel like I have 100 things to talk about but still feel sort of antsy about talking about these things. Can I really admit to another person how many flaws I have? Yikes!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-1999
Wed, 07-09-2003 - 9:57am
That's too bad about him not calling you back. Let's stay optimistic and think he's been real busy at/with work or something else has prevented him from calling you. Let's not assume he's a total jerk. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

Re: the therapist thing - I too feel the same way about admitting I'm not perfect but really, who is? We all have flaws even if it is being perfect. What is perfect? Don't those people who appear to be perfect bug you? Can you imagine having to live your life perfect all the time? That must be stressful. I think it is better to have a few flaws and know about them than to be (or think you are) perfect all the time.

You mentioned you wonder if you are destined to live your life alone. I think one of the things that's bugged me for some time about buying the condo is sort of admiting I might live the rest of my life alone. That's just silly because I have a number of friends and my family. I might 'live' alone but I will never be alone. I think that was one of those stigmatisms for me. Since I bought the place by myself does that mean I'll never meet a man who wants to live with me and buy a place together? Did that make sense? Does buying a place on my own mean I'm a loser? I know that's not true but I think in the back of my mind I have a hang-up along those lines.

Over the holiday wekeend I felt a little alone but that was my own doing. Since it was so hot I wanted to stay inside where it was cooler. Part of me felt I was missing out on things but another part of me didn't want to go outside and sweat. Also, my best friend hates explosions like fireworks so she doesn't do anything the weekend of July 4th. If she felt different we might have done stuff, even if it was going to the mall or a movie. Oh well, it wasn't the end of the world and I got through the weekend just fine.

Okay, enough about me, this was your posting (LOL) Keep up the postiive thoughts and we'll try to do the same. He'll call, he'll call (positive thoughts). And, if he doesn't it's his loss.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 07-09-2003 - 10:15am
Ah - men....... (Okay, some men)

It seems that they go on a date with you... everything goes great... and then they A) Never call again or B) wait FOREVER to call or C) Call the next day or so.

I have never understood their way of thinking where they just don't ever call again. It's so damn frustrating. Are they chicken? Did they not click w/you? Are they just a jerk? Ah - if only they could at least CALL & give us the answer.

Well, if he mentioned he wanted to see you again, that's a good sign. Maybe in his book that meant in two weeks. Who knows? Or - he chickend out. You were TOO DARN HOT for him & he knows he's not worthy ;)

This has always been a very frustrating thing to me - and every other woman I know. If I had the answers to this stuff, I'd be rich.

Anyway - try not to take it personally. You never really know what is up with him. Keep yourself "out there". If you meet anyone else nice - go for it. But if this guy wants to see you again, he better step up to the plate & get busy!

Hugs, Julie


Avatar for loritemp
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 07-09-2003 - 11:32am
I think the house thing is ahuge issue for a lot of single women! I bought my condo when I was 25 and I was so rpoud of myself for doing it. And maybe there is a part of me that feels like my condo is still sort of like an apartment, like not a real house. But my ex and I were house hunting and now I won't even think about it! Like you said, I think I would feel like I am giving up on finding someone to spend my life with if I bough ta house on my own. But that is just silly, I know that deep down! I love my condo but want something bigger, I want a yard for my dogs, i don't want neighbors so close. But I don' tthink I could buy a house single. A friend of mine said something about it to me, sort of in a rude way, about buying a house single. She just said she couldn't believe I would do that on my own. But why not? if I put life on hold till I meet Mr Right, I may be holding for a very long time! It is just all so confusing!

I know that I will never be alone, if nothing else I will always have my family by my side. But sometimes I just wish I had someone to come home to again, ya know? I want someone to rub my back when i am sick, someone to call my office just to say hi, someone to cuddle up with at night! Ingeneral, I am very happy with my life, happier than I have been in a long while but I just can't help feeling one huge important peice is missing! Though I know the harder I look for it, the farther away it will get. ugh, so frustrating!

Thanks for letting me vent. It i snice ot know I am not alone in how i feel at times, that other smart, successful, fun ladies out there have these life doubts at times too!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-12-2003 - 4:32am
Hi Lori.

If he hasn't called you yet don't absolutley give up. Sometimes guys don't want to call right away because they're afraid that calling too soon will make you think that they are making a comittment to starting a SERIOUS relationship. Like if I call you next week are you going to think that I want to see you EVERY week? Men are terrified of making even kind of commitment even if it's a small one. They don't want the beginning of a relation seem like they REALLY like you. Of course some men are like that through out their relationships. Those are the jerks. This guy sounds like he may be one of the nice ones. So don't give up on him. He might still come through for you.

The good thing is that you're getting in the swing of things again. You discovered that you can go out with smoeone besides you ex and have a good time. That's a pretty important step. It make take some time, but the odds are thast you WILL meet someone that you want to spend your life with. I have friends that have gone through really bad divorces and eventually they found someone who was a much better match than their ex. So at any phase of life there is still reasons to hope.

About the therapist. The good thing about a therapist is that you can talk to someone without fear that they will judge you. They don't expect you to be perfect. They're cetainly not perfect people themselves. They are there to give you support and to work with the things prevent you from being more possitive about yourself. So don't hold back. They really can't help you if you do.

Bennie buying a condo is not a sign that you're going to be alone. It's a sign that you're a strong person who can take of yourself and doesn't need someone to totally take care of her. Healthy people are always drawn to people like that. For now alone does not mear the same as being lonely. You have friends and fimly who love you. I believe that eventually you'll also find someone who will love you for the strong, unique person that you are.