i'm quiet

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2003
i'm quiet
14
Sun, 07-20-2003 - 12:00am
hi everyone

i am a quiet person and no one likes quiet people. i don't think i am very shy. i guess i used to be. i definitely hate public speaking and feel less comfortable in groups, but only because i never have anything to say. when i am introduced to someone i can say 'hi, how are you, and make a little small talk, but i can never carry conversations very far. i don't know how people perceive quiet people, but the reason i don't talk is because i have nothing to say! ideas don't come to me very quickly. at work i turn down invitations to lunch because when i do go, they look at me differently. but it's also like ther is an aura about me. some people take an immediate dislike to me, i can see it in the way they look at me. i'm quiet, but i can't help it. is there anyone out there who can relate?

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Avatar for loritemp
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: tiarayv
Mon, 07-21-2003 - 10:09am
I used to bevery shy when I first met people. I have no idea why, I always htought people wouldn't like me or wouldn't be interested in what I had to say! Then I realized that everyone must feel like that to some extent! Andpeople who don't like you or find what you say interesting are just people you don't have things in common with! Doesn't mean you are not an intersting person or aren't fun! Accept the invite next time you are asked to lunch or even propose a lunch outing yourself! And even if you spend more time listening than talking, you will stillbe out and interacting and you may just have a great time! Itis so hard to step outside of your comfort zone but it can be so rewarding when you do!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
In reply to: tiarayv
Thu, 07-24-2003 - 12:51am
I agree with loritemp...couldn't say it any better than that.

I used to be painfully introverted. Used to wear my hair long on the sides so it would cover my face, since my head was usually lowered anyway.

I know I would appreciate someone that is quiet once in a while...would be a nice break over most people that constantly interrupt each other. A good listener is said to be the best conversationalist.

Embrace your difference. Here is one of my favorite quotes:

"In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different."

- Coco Chanel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: tiarayv
Thu, 07-24-2003 - 2:01pm
Well, I wish I were more quiet (and I'm sure people around me wish that too).

I enjoy quiet people. We need quiet people around, just like we need talkative people around. We'd get so tired of each other if we were all the same. Don't worry about what people think. Be you :) You are fine just the way you are!

Hugs, Julie

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2003
In reply to: tiarayv
Thu, 07-24-2003 - 4:57pm
Hi, I am married to a quiet person, I know what you are going through and how frustrated you feel that people don't understand you. I see my DH's lack of interaction and other's reaction to him. It has been difficult for him to make friends over the years. If it weren't for his cycling interest or working with others who are similar to him in his software engineering department, he would not have any friends. I remember going to a party once and someone was so surprised in his choice in rock'n roll music. His quiet personality made people think that he had "no" personality. Indeed he was difficult for even me to get to know but make no mistake, he has a great personality; it took a long time to get to know him.

You will most likely always be this way or at least on some level anyway. The quiet people seem to be engineers, deep intilectuals. I read an article that discussed a thirty year study on quiet people which followed these people from childhood and ironically, a large majority turned out to be engineers. Who knows, maybe you are an engineer of some sort inside, an intilectual who may be right at home in that circle of people. Be patient with yourself it's not easy for you to put your thoughts into words quickly and neither is my DH, just be yourself. One bit of advice that I have given my DH is having "scripted" topics to discuss and a few possible outcomes ready for any social environment. It's alot to expect you to do but only you know how much this bothers you. My DH just was ready to clam up so we thought of a few bits of local news to discuss with folks. It helps bring him out of his shell a little. He has zero problem however talking about his software projects though. Maybe you have a passion that you love that people might find interesting. Some people tune him out when he talks about software, so maybe keep your topics on a lighter side. Keep us posted.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2003
In reply to: tiarayv
Thu, 07-24-2003 - 10:14pm
Wow you guys really are supportive. I especially liked that quote by Coco Chanel. I never heard that before. I went out last Friday to lunch with a coworker. We went to the mall so we shopped a little. She said we should do it again. Not that we had a lot of laughs, but it went ok. I still feel different, but it's good to hear that not everyone minds people who are different

ciao

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2003
In reply to: tiarayv
Fri, 07-25-2003 - 1:32pm
You are definetly not the only person who is quiet. I am and always have been. People my whole life have been telling me so. I took it as an insult for years when people pointed it out to me and I made insane efforts to try to change who I naturally am. Then one day I decided that it was ok to be quiet so long as I didn't let my life change because of it (like avoiding going out). I don't mind being the more silent one in a crowd... I enjoy listening to people's stories and I find they like to have someone who actually does listen. I have also read that it is a genetic thing--so it's pointless at least to an extent to try to change yourself. I believe this is true since many people in my family are quiet like me. As for not knowing what to say when you are in a social situation... I would suggest asking the person you're with an open-ended question about themselves. I find many people like to talk about themselves and will ramble on about whatever you ask...and that can always lead to more questions.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2003
In reply to: tiarayv
Fri, 07-25-2003 - 8:26pm
iv

do you ever feel like people resent you in a way for being quiet? i feel disliked often.

i think being a quiet person is much worse than being a shy person. i am a little shy but really more quiet. i know someone at work who is very shy but once you get to know him he'll be more comfortable with you. it doesn't really work for quiet people. that's my view

ciao

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2003
In reply to: tiarayv
Mon, 07-28-2003 - 11:13am
I understand completly. I'm also very quiet. Not so much around my parents but everyone else, including other relatives. I usually can't think of anything to say or if I do think of something, others won't care or will think it's stupid. I was always quiet in school and never had friends, only one close friend and still don't have any. I think some people think of us as snobby because we don't say anthing but that's not the case. I would like to be different and be able to talk more easily but it's very hard to overcome. Hopefully I'll be able to change with a little help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-1999
In reply to: tiarayv
Mon, 07-28-2003 - 2:09pm
Here's one other thought, I've never really thought of myself as quiet but over the past few years I've noticed a change in me. Depending who I am with or around I can be quiet or loud. With 2-3 friends I tend to be quiet because I can't get a word in edgewise. Certain friends tend to think that everything they say is interesting and more funny than other peoples' stories. With one friend she tends to exaggerate so I often wonder how much of her stories are real or exaggerated. With other friends I'm more talkative. Then with other friends it's much more equal, we all talk.

I think there are different levels of quiet people. When I'm around the friends who constantly talk I feel my stories are not as interesting so I sort of give up trying to make conversation. Also, I just don't feel like competing for story-telling. It shouldn't be such a struggle.


Hugs,

Ben

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
In reply to: tiarayv
Wed, 07-30-2003 - 7:49am
I'm quiet as well. I've been that way ever since I can remember. I have a hard time talking to others that I don't know very well and also to my relatives. I feel like other people have so much more to say and I really don't have anything to say. Sometimes when I finally do come up with something which I think is really good and say it people look at me like I'm from outer space or else they don't respond at all and I just want to crawl into a hole. As much as I want to have attention from others, when I do, I feel like an idiot and I turn red and just start to babble. Some people can walk into a room and make friends instantly but I think people just look at me differently because I can't carry a conversation to save my life.

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