I gave the pills to my roommate with instructions to only give them to me if I have a panic attack. I have not had one, and I haven't had any more thoughts of hurting myself. I was talked to by so many of my friends (one I turned to anyway, my ex had called and asked her to check on me, as well as another mutual friend), and I realized that I have to keep my drinking under control.
I've been struggling somewhat, but I know that it's for the best, and if he's going to treat me like this now, after dating me for almost a year and "loving" me for over six months, then it's not meant to be. I acted so foolish, and i'm humiliated by my behavior, but I also realize that he didn't have to put me in the situation, and the fact that he did says a lot about him. It wasn't fair of him, especially since he knew I'd probably take it as a date, and I did. But oh well, what's done is done.
I really appreciate all the notes below, and I am going to take this time to really get to know myself. Sounds funny, I guess, but I don't really even know that much about myself. I know so much about him, and about my cat, but when it comes to me, I don't really know what type of person I am.
Thanks for all the support, and I will talk to you all soon, I hope, I have to go meet up with a friend, since I'm off work.