I just don't get this!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2001
I just don't get this!
4
Fri, 07-25-2003 - 11:01pm
Hello all!

I have a friend at work who I've been buying Mary Kay from and she came over to my house and gave me and a friend a free facial. It was the best day and she is just PERFECT for this kind of work....very generous, patient, excellent customer service skills, and knowledgeable. Well, a month ago she told me she was having personal problems and was closing her business and would no longer sell Mary Kay. I was disappointed yet concerned about what was going on with her. I didn't pry and thought if she needed someone to confide in she'd come to me. In the meantime, I've sent her cards and I always have a kind word to say to her when I see her.

Today she told me.......she's getting a divorce, but that's not all of it. Her husband of only 10 months came home one day and told her he didn't want to be married anymore. She said she didn't see this coming at all. She thought things were fine. They went to counseling and he admitted during one of the sessions that he never really loved her and he couldn't stay married. I was probably as devastated by the news as she was. She is SUCH a lovely person! How could he do this? I tried my best to offer her support and encouragement but I know my words weren't much consolation. I did tell her I could empathize because it happened to me too. My college sweetheart of 7 yrs told me he didn't want to be married after 6 months!! So, I was there once and I know how devastating it is. Now, she has to vacate the home they bought together in 5 weeks. He's already gone. Luckily, she was able to get herself together and purchase a new home....I was happy to hear that.

My question is......why do men do this? Is it that they're doing what's expected of them? Are men not in touch with their feelings? Don't they realize how damaging this is? Has anyone else gone through this? If there are any men reading this...can you shed some light on this situation and maybe explain how a man can live a lie and take a woman on such a roller coaster ride.

P.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 07-27-2003 - 2:35pm
My situation is similar, but very different. First of all, we weren't married, just dating, for less than a year. But we both felt how right it was, and we both talked long term. I honestly thought I was going to marry him. (Still do, kinda)

Then at the end of last month, he dropped a bomb on me, after introducing me to a girl who I saw instantly that she liked him and he liked her. He said he wanted a break. A few days later, he made it more permanent, and then proceeded to go back and forth, telling me he loved me but it felt different, so he didn't want to be with me. He wanted to try things out with this 18 y/o, which devastated me. He told me he doesn't want to be with me anymore but he really can't explain why. He's even told me that he doesn't know what changed or why. But he is willing to give up an amazing relationship for a fling with some little girl. Ugh.

This just hit home, so I wanted to say that I don't get it either and I know how you feel because men are idiots and don't know what they want. :(

*HUGS* to you and also to her.

~Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
Mon, 07-28-2003 - 5:12pm
What makes you think it's just men?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2001
Mon, 07-28-2003 - 11:02pm
Good question!!!

I guess it's because the only time I hear this it's women devastated by the men who've done this to them. I'm not doubting women are capable of this too.....I just haven't heard it. Could it be that men just don't talk about it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2001
Mon, 07-28-2003 - 11:06pm
**BIG HUGS** to you too Lisa!

I just want to say I'm hoping you move on and get over this bad experience. Life has SO much to offer and I know they'll be lots of good stuff coming your way. Be patient and be good to yourself.

Take care!

P.