For pmw730

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
For pmw730
Tue, 07-29-2003 - 12:07am
There is a book in print by Carol Gilligan titled "The birth of Pleasure". I was scanning it today in the bookstore and inside the cover in the description was this (I wrote it down): "why love between a man and a woman is so often burdened by a history of loss and how it can be freed and opened to the pursuit of happiness" further it said this: "why we relive tragic stories of loss and betrayal". These two statements really hit home with me. They also made me silently say "aahhhhha!" Once I left the bookstore and was in a safe place, instead of sitting down and trying to concentrate on the positive things in my life, I took some time out to consider the losses in my life. I did not think about my children at that time, or my spouse and his sacrifices, but only MY losses. There was something in that statement that triggered a reaction in me. Within 10 minutes, I was in tears. I was actually mourning for me and that which I had lost. One loss went as far back as childhood.

A book I am currently reading, a few pages at a time, is by Melody Beattie titled "A Reason To Live". It is about suicide. Ms. Beattie does not actually write the material in the book, but instead is the general editor. The material is written by other individuals. In the book one of the authors suggests a 10 minute crying session. Because we have been taught to control our emotions it can be difficult to release them at times. "Feelings need to be felt and released." These feelings can eventually control our lives.

What you described in your posting to bennie in "Bummed out" sounds like sadness. I wonder if you are feeling a loss or several of them. Such as not getting to finish your Masters degree yet. Or perhaps a loss of physical and emotional closeness with your husband that you experienced in the beginning of your marriage. Maybe you might feel a loss when you think your son with ADHD will not have a chance for a "normal" life. These are just some thoughts that come to mind.

I know once I faced my losses today and mourned for them, I felt a kind of release. It was difficult as a mother, not to veer my thinking onto what my children have lost, instead of thinking about me, but do your best to get back onto yourself. You can think about them later, but first work through your own. I don't know if this will help you but it sure opened my mind.

I don't want to close this on a sad note so at the risk of being lengthy here.....I started back to college for my Bachelors at age 50. I will graduate next year. I also have ADHD, so does my father, my daughter and my eldest grandson. It has not slowed any of us down in life. And at the risk of sounding vain, most individuals with ADHD are quite intelligent. (I was on the Deans List last semester...not bad for ADHD) Your son just got an unqualified teacher for his LD. Also as we age, it seems to decrease or maybe we just learn more effective coping skills.

I hope this information will help you and if it does, maybe you can pass it on to someone else. Take care and Blessings.