self concious about my weight

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
self concious about my weight
4
Mon, 08-04-2003 - 5:39pm
Hi everyone. So all my life i have been self concious about my weight. It consumes my thoughts so much that i cry over it from time to time. I am an active person, and am in good shape, but i could afford losing 10-15 pounds. I just wish i could stop looking in the mirror and weighing myself all the time. My attitude towards myself shifts so randomly..one day i can feel absolutely great about how i look and the very next day i feel like a big fat pig. I don't consider myself a fat person, but something in my mind is making me think i need to get thinner all the time. Either because i need to be true to myself and know that i am most happy when i am thinner(which is probably true) or that more guys would like me if i were thinner. I know its not serious enough to provoke an eating disorder, but i get down on myself a lot, and my mom constantly yells at me and tells me im beautiful and not fat and that i should live my life and not worry about my weight all the time. Can anyone give me some pointers about feeling better about myself, whatever shape i may be? I tear myself up sometimes, and i know it is so superficial and naive of me to do. I feel like i am a pretty real person, and i try not let superficial things like this get in my way, but sometimes i can't help it. Help me!thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-04-2003 - 8:32pm
Hi.

It sounds like you're caught in a perfectionist trap. You have this idea image of how you should be and have a lot of difficulty accepting who you really are. Think about it. Will 10-15 pounds really make that much of a difference? Most people don't notice when I've lost that amount of weight. Now 20-30 pounds they notice, but anything under that doesn't make a really dicernable difference in your appearance. You say that you are happier at your 'ideal' weight, but are you really? Are you happy when you reach that wieght or do you think that you need to lose a little more? Dooes it really make you feel better about yourself?

Most of the time we can't live up to our ideal image of ourselves. If we could then I guess we would have a world of perfect people, at least in their own eyes. Even if somehow we do manage to acheive our ideal, we usually find some other reason to have doubts about ourselves because we can never accept ourselves as we really are.

It might be helpful for you to see a therapist. A therapist might be able to help you to identify and resolve some of the issuses that are related to your negative self- image. People who have negative self-images usually have realted problems with their sel-esteem and their ability to truly value themselves for the unique individuals that they are. A therapist also be able to help you become more aware of the positive aspects of your personality that are just as or even more important than how much you weigh.

Take care of yourself.

Renee

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 08-04-2003 - 9:31pm
Thanks lonewomansdance..i have thought about seeking a therapist about my self esteem, but i have such highs and lows that probably by the time i made an appointment and drove to the office, i would be happy and feeling good..i don't know..i am also in college, so i'm going through that whole finding yourself process. Overall i do appreciate myself and i accept myself for the most part, i guess i just have a hard time thinking that OTHER people could accept me for being 10 -15 punds overweight, quiet, etc. Thanks for the support : )
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-1999
Tue, 08-05-2003 - 1:29pm
Hi and welcome,

Renee brought up some very good points. Too often we are hard on ourselves when it comes to appearance. I recently lost 20 pounds and for a while no one noticed. It made me wonder, did other people see me as overweight or was it just my imagination. Some people did notice but since we are all so busy something like weight loss or gain probably isn't noticed as much. It's the person they know us as that is important.

I think we all have misconceptions of how other people see us. Seeing a therapist might be a good idea. They might be able to help you work through some issues. Even if you are on a high the day you see a therpist that's okay. Tell them about the lows and how that affects you.

You mentioned you are in college and that you are at a point where you are trying to find youself. That's very true. You are probably in between being an (older) teen (you are probably out of your teens) and an adult. You are still a student but very soon you will be in the working world and that is a big transition.

Try to remind yourself of all your accomplishments. Getting through college is a challenge in itself. Try not to compare yourself to other students. I know, this is easier said than done. (I should take my own advice.) (LOL)

Come back here and visit with us. Let us know how you are doing.

Hugs,

Ben

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Sun, 08-10-2003 - 7:52pm
I know how you feel. I've been self conscious of my body for some time but I am really noticing it now. I rarely ever wear shorts or skirts because I am self-conscious. I always told myself I would wear them when I lost weight but now I know that I have problems. I should feel comfortable wearing what I want to wear no matter how I look. Even though I know this I still cannot bring myself to change my behavior. I should probably seek counseling but even that would be a challenge as I do not like to talk or even think about the negative issues I have with my body. For many years I would just wear pants and ignore my feelings which is why I didn't realize it was a self-esteem problem. When I went to college this past year my overall self-esteem plummeted and I started to hate my body on occasion. I have to take action because I want to feel comfortable with my body. Maybe I will talk to counselors at school about it.