Good relationship - Bad problem

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Good relationship - Bad problem
2
Tue, 08-05-2003 - 1:26pm
Hi everyone~

Long time, no post, I know. I am here now though and need some help!

I have recently gotten into a relationship with a man that I have fancied for years. It is going great and we seem to be getting along nicely and it is what I have been wanting. I am paranoid and worrisome sometimes but I am sincerly trying to change my tact in this relationship as I want it to work and think this time it can. Here is the prob...

It seems that when I'm in relationships, I let a lot of what is ME go, mainly hobbies, routines and interests. I don't let friends fall by the way, which is good, but I seem to let the things I love to DO go and that bothers me. Worse still, it tears down my esteem which only serves to make me more paranoid with my man. Am I making sense? It is a vicious cycle. At this point, I have even forgotten what I love to do, which is bad.

So, this post is two fold really.

1) Help! Please give me advice on how I can get out of this rut as I know it would be best for me AND for my relationship.

2) What are some of your hobbies? I would like to try a new hobby or at least think about some and am interested to know some of yours!

Thanks for your replies!

"The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated." ~Gandhi

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-1999
Tue, 08-05-2003 - 1:40pm
Good questions, I have some for you. What do you mean you let your hobbies and interest go? Do you stop going to the gym? Do you let a craft project sit there half done? If so, why do you think this happens? Do you let his hobbies and interests take over? What are your hobbies and interests? Could you try to get your new boyfriend interested in any of them?

I'm glad to hear you don't distance yourself from your friends. Too many of my friends do that when they get a new boyfriend and that really angers me. Then, when it's over, they call me up again and act like nothing has happened.

Here are some of my interests:

I have a dollhouse (but it's at my parents house because my condo is too small for it).

I like to do arts & crafts but to be honest, all my supplies have sat in the corner for some time now. Some of the arts & crafts I like to dabble with are Polymer clay and jewlery making. Both take practice and patience so that is why they are sitting in the corner. I want to get back into both hobbies.

I also like to see current movies - hobby? more of an interest

Shopping - more of an interst

Site-seeing

Festivals

That's what comes to my mind first.

Hugs,

Ben

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
Tue, 08-05-2003 - 8:54pm
I think your actions are quite normal. After all, each time you develop a new hobby, doesn't it take most of your time and attention for a while? The new relationship is taking the place of a hobby, so to speak. Being aware of what you are doing is the first step and you have already accomplished that. I would just simply work my hobbies gradually back into my life, if you miss them. Do you think you might be stressing too much about loosing yourself? I think we all are afraid of that, since we have worked so hard to get to where we are. Relax and enjoy your new relationship and if you want to share your hobbies, maybe your new beau will enjoy participating in them along with you. If you have to force yourself to do what was suppose to be relaxing, such as a hobby, then it no longer serves it's purpose.

My hobbies include building furniture and painting. I would love to return to my hobby of sculpture, however I have run out of places to put things.....guess I need to build some more....lol.

A quote for you: "Worry is a misuse of the imagination"

Blessings.