I've hit an all time self esteem low!
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|Fri, 10-03-2003 - 8:59pm|
Also, I finally met a guy on Match.com last week after talking with him for a few weeks. We met for a couple of drinks, obviously he could've left after the first one, but wanted to have another. After the second one we parted ways and he said he wanted to make it more formal next time and have dinner. Said he was going to be working Friday night (which I knew-he works Friday's as a bouncer) and was going to a concert on Saturday, but that he would call me early this week. He gave me a hug when we left. Well I knew he'd probably watch Monday Night Football so didn't call him then. Tuesday he plays flag football, so I emailed him Tuesday morning just to give a quick hi and ask about his weekend. He emailed me back Wednesday morning and said he would have a few minutes free that night and he'd call. He didn't. He didn't call Thursday night either. I sent him an email this morning asking if he'd like to get together next week. I haven't gotten a response back yet. I find it hard to believe that after having a nice time together that he would just not respond at all after telling me he'd like to go out for dinner and that he wouldn't put more effort even into just a quick email saying that he was sorry he couldn't call. It makes me feel like crap. I always end up doing the work when I meet a guy and I swore this time I wouldn't do that, but I'm doing it anyway. I want so terribly to be with someone and have romance and have all the things that my friends have had in relationships and now take for granted. Someone who actually thinks about me and wants to get to know me.
Then to top it all off, I was angry when I left work because of all of the above things and pulled into a parking stall a little too fast and tapped the bumper of the guy in front of me who was just getting out of his car. He looked at me like I was an idiot. I got out and said I was sorry and he had one of those "women drivers are idiots" look on his face. I just about wanted to cry, but just walked quickly into the store and at this point I didn't care if anyone liked me or not.
I have no close friends left who are single, so my weekends are spent by myself. Well my best friend is still single, but she's out of the country for a year. I have a very hard time getting close with female acquaintances and it would be nice to have some new female friends to go out with, I just always feel like I'm intruding. One of my coworkers and his girlfriend asked me out a couple of months ago because there were going to be some single guys out and I just felt so out of place. Their other friends looked at me like "why is she here, she hardly says anything".
I'm just at a very low point right now and as much as I would love to change, I really don't think I can. If I could be loud and carefree, I would, but I'm just too aware about what everyone is thinking about me.