Not Normal Jealousy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
Not Normal Jealousy
2
Wed, 10-15-2003 - 11:38am
Hello everyone. I have suffered from low self esteem for as long as I can remember. I've never felt good enough, pretty enough, thin enough, smart enough, etc. As you can imagine, every relationship I've been in with men has been turbulent due to my insecurities. I think they are looking at other women, they are lusting after the woman on the TV, or in the movie, or in the magazine. I am currently 34 years old and STILL feel this way!! I can't even go to a movie! I am in counseling, and even my therapist jokes to me that I am one stubborn woman. He's trying to get through to me, but it's so hard for me to think any other way. So on to *one* of my issues that I want to discuss. In almost every relationship I've ever been in, I have been extremely jealous of his past girlfriends (in particular, the one he was with before me). I feel the need to have to know everything about her. I have snooped through boyfriends' items and stolen photos of his ex and STUDIED them, wondering if she was prettier than me. If she was shorter than me, I feel that I am too tall and he liked shorter women better and I am jealous of any woman we come across that is petite. If she was blonde, I get a complex about blondes. The more I find out about her, the more I put myself down. I feel like I cannot compete, particularly if she had a lot of traits I think are desirable. I'm constantly wondering if he's thinking "about her". I feel somewhat better if I know HE ended that relationship, but if he didn't, I'm even more insecure because I feel like he'd still be with her if he had the choice and he's only with me because he can't have her. This has caused MANY arguments in my relationships. And it doesn't matter how long I've been with my boyfriend. I was with a boyfriend for four years and we still fought about his ex up until the end. I've been with my current boyfriend for two years, and I'm still incredibly insecure about his ex. Has anyone ever dealt with this kind of jealousy before?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 2:12pm

Hi there and welcome to the board.


Darn, I typed a very long reply yesterday, and I don't see it here, I wonder what happened!


Well, basically I wanted to tell you that Yes! I have experienced exactly what you are feeling.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 5:08pm
Julie...your message gives me such hope. Thank you so very much for your response. I am going to send you an email at the address you posted.