Trying to put pieces together

Avatar for bren_bren
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Trying to put pieces together
1
Thu, 10-23-2003 - 3:51pm
I think my brain is corrupted. I have been programmed to be untrusting, suspicious, and jealous when it comes to relationships. I am afraid of commitment and when I meet someone that is good to me, I am quick to try to find reasons whey I shouldn't be with them. Is it because I was sexually abused by my uncle when I was a little girl? Is it because the first boyfriend I fell in love with cheated on me? Is it because the father of my kids, the man I was married to for 6 years overprotective, jealous, possessive, and controlling? He was always suspicious of me cheating on him, asking me if I'm messing behind his back almost everyday to the point where I did eventually cheat on him. Is it because the man I'm with now is the one I cheated on my husband with?

Mentally, I'm a mess. I don't know what to do. Even though I'm now divorced and the man I'm with now is the man I cheated on my husband with is very good to me, I always think our relationship is wrong. He is very attentive, affectionate, loving, caring...He doesn't give me any reason to doubt him, except for, he pursued me knowing I was married, how good can he really be? We talk everyday, we spend a lot of time together, he spends time with me and my kids, he says he loves me so much. If this is the case, then why do I still feel insecure? jealous when he talks to/befriends other women? I am very in love with this man, why can't I just be happy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 10-24-2003 - 11:16am

Hello and welcome to the board.