Advice on how to lighten-up

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2003
Advice on how to lighten-up
Wed, 11-05-2003 - 12:36pm
Good morning all. I just had an interesting conversation with an aquaintance. She shared some deep feelings with me about her DH recently so I felt I could share with her a little.

Recently I was feeling a little picked on again so I called. Two days later (today) she called back. One thing led to another and I found courage to ask if I could put her on the spot. She agreed. I asked if I was likeable or weird. Mainly because I know people shy away from me and have always been a loner. She responded with a lot of helpful info, some I suspected. She says that I am DIFFERENT. Evidentally, I am too serious, too passionate about being healthy and being a "good" parent. It appears that people try to change their eating or excersize behaviors because "I" inspire them but fall short then begin to hate me because I don't stop working at it. I didn't know that I had any power.

What I came away with after the conversation. 1. Don't talk about health, period. It appears to really turn people off. 2. Don't be so serious. (I have had a serious life). 3. Get a social hobby. Alrighty then :-) So now what do I talk about, the weather? Seriously, oops I'm not suppose to be serious. Confusion. LOL.

OK, so how do I begin this change? Step by step on how to not be so serious. This is difficult for me, I grew up without parental care, so I over parent. I grew up chubby and dull, so I am a bodybuilder. I grew up poor so I have my own business. I grew up dumb and ignorant so I am progressively working on self improvement and that of my children so they don't grow up stunted like me. I don't know how to relate to people so I stay home.

Any good books or advice. I am a serious person, what do I do in a world of people that can't take responsibilities serious. Here's an interesting example. My brother is watching The Texas Chainsaw Masacre with his girfriends 13yo daughter. It's none of MY business and I can not change the world.

There I was, 13yo sitting in an empty field in a self made fort eating chicken from the restraunt garbage because I had no home. I spoke to GOD and said, that someday I would make a difference. I somehow never did drugs but I was having sex at 14 (I am ashamed). I didn't make it through life on a real happy-go-lucky note. Nope, rather serious and passionate. I am different and it shows. How do I act like everyone else so that I won't be so different?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-1999
Wed, 11-05-2003 - 2:39pm

This is tough.

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Avatar for loritemp
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 11-06-2003 - 2:08pm

Hi there!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Fri, 11-07-2003 - 4:11pm
I am a newbie - but found your post interesting. I have had the similar problems myself, still do. I was raised basically by myself - and took care of two brothers most the time. Washed our clothes in the bath-tub and hung them out to dry. We never had money. It was welfare and food stamps. It was scrimp and scrap -constantly. Education was never considered "top priority"

Now being a mother I hear how I am over protective, over indulging and spoiling them. Its hard to tell either of them "No" in regards to food exp: I make dinner, we eat dinner, youngest doesnt want any - but at bedtime hes hungry" To tell him that he cant eat is almost impossible.....i so remember wishing for something in my stomach at bedtime -

As for money - I make plenty!!! We have plenty - I have a nice car, a solid job - my house is nice, clean - so are my kids.

BUT LET ME FIND DEODERENT OR SHAMPOO ON SALE!!!! Yeap, I will buy them all - we will have enough for a year. I am constantly buying can goods etc. - even with 4/5 cans in the pantry.


DF and i have had many arguements about my "hangups" he wants me to lighten up. Now he has a good job - is very dependable etc. BUT he was the youngest of 5 - spoiled to death. He has no kids - so his main responsibilty his whole life is to himself -he will never "get it"

So after all that rambling - i to have a hard time relating to people - my mind set is sooo serious most the time. If I am around people i feel comfortable around ie; df or ss - then im okay - but most people have had it "easy" comparitively - they have never had to worry about a bite of food or normal teen-age "girl" things like pads or tampon....

My advice - is to realize that your a wonderful person - you are oviously raising smart well rounded children - you are taking care of your body so that you can enjoy life and watch thosed children grow up. You make them look bad, thats why they react that way about the food thing....they arent doing anything about their situation....but you are.

Why arent they pround grandparents??? Who knows.....weird. And at 5 - doing multiplication is wonderful!!!! Yeah encourage it but you dont want to stress her over it neither...

Sorry for the "book"



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