Hi

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Hi
3
Wed, 11-12-2003 - 2:02pm
Hi everyone, hope your weekend was good.

I am having a rough couple days, silly really. I am feeling very down and doubtful about my relationship with df. The closer we are to moving into our "real" apartment and the closer we get to our wedding date (feb) the more distance i try and put between. Just in case he decides he doesnt really want me.....he of course is so perplexed and getting a little angry with me. Why is it so hard for me to believe that I could be loved like I love him? I know that I would be devestated if he walked away - but for some reason I cant believe that I would even be missed. Except for the sex and housekeeping - would he miss ME? Isnt he bored with me yet??? Pity party for PlayNICE.....wah wah

I go through this sometimes. Not sure what set me off today.

How do you go about finding those positive things in yourself??? What works for you guys?

Sorry im being so darn *poor me* but for some reason im very low today. However, I have told myself that I must list at least one good thing for every bad thing so - I want to share with everyone that I will be an aunt for the first time every next month. I went to my brothers girlfriends babyshower this weekend and everything was PINK!!! Yeah!!!

Thanks for listening. Sometimes it helps just to say it all out loud without worrying that I am boring someone.

 

I am co cl for "Ask Dr. Ruth" board. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
In reply to: thehardway
Wed, 11-12-2003 - 2:23pm
Hi:

PLEASE stop doubting yourself. You deserve your fiance...if he's a good man and it seems like he is. ASK yourself WHY you keep thinking so negatively/distancing yourself. Are you having doubts about your relationship? Do you sense that something isn't quite right? If you don't get some help (ie. counseling) it may destroy your relationship and he may end up leaving. Ask your fiance what he sees in you...I doubt it's the sex b/c that's not how he met you. I read your intro post and you've definitely had it rough no two ways about it and I think that's the root of your self-esteem issues...could be wrong. You need to learn to believe in yourself (i used to force myself to do that since my whole family ignored me as someone who could be academically successful like them b/c of vision issues) and catch yourself when thinking negative thoughts. When you hear yourself saying that you don't deserve him, mentally say yes, I do, you deserve a good life, etc. It may sound silly but it has worked for me and I don't hear myself thinking negative thoughts like I can't do this, won't succeed that much any more-very rarely.

Congrats on soon to becoming an aunt for the first time! That happened to me 4 yrs ago during my first year of college and my whole floor at my dorm ended up hearing me scream "I'm an aunt, I'm an aunt." My little niece is SO cute!!!! It's a blast...cuz you can spoil niece/nephew as much as you want...it's your perogative!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-1999
In reply to: thehardway
Wed, 11-12-2003 - 4:07pm

Benib made some good points.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
In reply to: thehardway
Wed, 11-12-2003 - 4:33pm
Thanks you two~``

I havent been to counseling YET!! I dont understand my hesitation. I know I need to go for my own happiness. I guess one thing is that I'm scared the therapist will find there is nothing "wrong" with me - Im just a yucky person!!!! LOL

And yes, my fiance is an amazing man!!! He really is. He has suggested therapy also. He is aware of the past problems and my past marriage (where my ex cheated on me and repeatedely told me how undesirable i am) I guess I really need to squeeze it in somewhere ....


And yes im gonna be an aunt!!!!! Girls are a rarety in our family - and Im so excited!!! Plus it will take care of my empty nest syndrome!!!

 

I am co cl for "Ask Dr. Ruth" board.