A bit of holiday humor

Avatar for randomgrrl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
A bit of holiday humor
5
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 12:05pm
I thought you all might enjoy this. I sent out a letter with most of my Christmas cards. I know a lot of you enjoy my sense of humor so here's the letter for you all. Happy Holidays!


What a year it’s been! Whew! And its Christmas/Hanukah/Kwanzaa/Winter Solstice time again, so soon. And, being the end of the year, it’s that time for everyone you barely know to write you long letters about all the amazing things they did over the year that you could only dream of doing.

Well the year started off cold and snowy, if we all remember. I recall almost getting fired for not driving through a level 2 snow emergency to get to my fantastic job as an Administrative Assistant. (i.e. office bitch) If only they had plowed my street. So when they finally did plow my street the next day, allowing me to leave for work, my car was then buried under a 6 foot drift left by the plows! I got to shovel for two hours in heels and a skirt, how fun! Once I got free, I could not go home for 4 days, since the drifts left by the plows left no where to park on the street. Yippee! It was like a camp-out!

But enough with that dreary mess of last winter. Things are going well at the Smith household on Wilson Ave. Yes, I’m still living in my fine, crumbling apartment in the ghetto. But this year, my car was only broken into twice! I think the gangs have tagged it already, or they’ve realized there’s never anything in my car but a blanket and some empty Subway bags. So hopefully I won’t be replacing as many windows in the future. Oh, and my new landlady raised my rent, so I won’t feel so guilty only paying what the place is worth. Really, I INSIST on paying more. Boy, am I lucky, too, as she raised it $100 a month more!

April brought David into my apartment. We both found neither of us made enough to support ourselves, so we thought we’d give a shot at supporting each other. Boy, even life in the slums is proving too expensive for the two of us. But what can you do when you’re working a senseless, low paying, dead end job? And shacking up has given everyone something else to nag me about. And who doesn’t love a good nag?

April also brought about my trip to the hospital. After nearly dying I got to spend an entire week in the hospital. Lucky me! I know all of you now are writhing in jealousy. The nurses were wonderful; they brought me lots of antibiotics to pump into my arms via IVs and syringes. And they woke me up at odd hours of the night to stick me with needles, and poke around in my nether regions. I’m so glad they brought in as many people as possible to look at my reproductive organs from the outside. Gotta learn somehow! They wouldn’t let me eat though, as the surgeons could not decide if they wanted to cut me open and dig out my insides. I guess they figured, “She’s 25 now, she doesn’t need her uterus!” And the daily blood tests were fun as well. By the end of my stay I’d had every single vein tapped and they got to take blood samples from my feet! How neat is that? Modern medicine can be so fascinating.

June brought me Yuna. Yuna is the newest addition to my humble abode, a tiny blue cream tortie kitten. Now 7 months old. I figured if I can’t afford to feed two mouths, what’s one more? Cats can’t eat that much anyway, right? She’s just as sweet as can be and has brought much joy to my life, especially when she went into heat and tore up my sofa. God love that little bundle of fur. But I dipped into my life savings and got her spayed. No more sleepless nights of yowling and writhing on my bed! Pets are so fun, aren’t they?

My car is still running, and now is worth less than what I owe. What an accomplishment! How many of you can lay claim to that? But the good news is I only had it in the shop three times this year! So at least a couple things will run correctly for a year or two. And my warranty that never really covered anything except the ashtray ran out right before the alternator blew. Whew! I couldn’t see not paying for a new alternator out of my own pocket, that’s just not right.

I turned 26 in November. It was a great time. I had a party and lot of people wished me happy birthday and asked me why I’m not married yet. Boy that NEVER gets old! Maybe I’ll even start getting pity gifts of towels and appliances I don’t have. HOORAY!

I hope this season brings love and joy to you all. I know mine will be filled with family, cheer, and wracking up more debt I’ll never pay off in my lifetime! Happy seasons everyone, and a prosperous New Year!

Nikki

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 2:00pm

Nikki, Nikki, Nikki - you slay me, girl!!

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Registered: 01-05-1999
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 3:50pm

Too funny!

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Avatar for randomgrrl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 4:00pm
I know Julie. My parents get those stupid letter all the time. I just want to smack those people and inform them that no one cares! LOL
Avatar for randomgrrl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 4:08pm
I live in Columbus, Ohio. It's a great city. I live in one o the lower class neighborhoods, though. It's really not all bad, but it does have a bit higher crime rate than most of the suburbs. I live VERY close to downtown in a neighborhood called, "Old Towne East" It's mostly very very old large houses that have kind of been forgotten. My house was built in 1892, I think. My apartment is theorigianl dining room and kitchen, so I have the old fireplaces and hardwood floors.

The area is getting better, though. A lot of younger gay couples are moving in and buying the houses REAL cheap and fixing them up and selling them for sometimes over twice what they paid. Same thing happened in another neighborhood many years ago. It was a ghetto, but now it's the most expensive are of town.

Anyway, glad you enjoyed my letter.

HUGS

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 9:01pm
too funny Nikki!

you've inspired me to write about my year...maybe this weekend or perhaps Monday since yet another temp job has come to an end.

benita