hi, new here. Have no self esteem and..M

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2008
hi, new here. Have no self esteem and..M
8
Tue, 10-21-2008 - 1:04pm

Hi, my name is Nicole, I'm 32 with 3 kids. I am 5'9" tall and overweight but that's not necessarily the problem. I have ALWAYS had self esteem issues due to abuse of pretty much every kind starting when I was just a little kid going into my adult years. I've never really thought of myself as attractive too much until high school, that's when I got really pretty for awhile, I was a decent size for my body and height and I felt good about myself for ONCE in my life. 14 Years after high school, I got unattractive, I gained 70 pounds and am having a hard time losing it due to health problems, my body is SO messed up, my hypothalmus does not work right, my sympathetic and parasympathetic nerves do not work right due to a rare nerve disease that I have that affects the parasympathetic nerves and there's just a bunch of other health problems. I have a "boyfriend" who works 16-20hrs a day 7 days a week and has NO time for me, we haven't spent ANY time together yet and he emails me once every 3-4 days so having this "boyfriend" kinda puts me into a space that I don't want to be in. It doesn't help my self esteem any, it's nice to finally have a "boyfriend" after not having one for 7 1/2 years but I need one who is going to boost my self esteem. I don't even like looking at myself in the mirror, especially not in the nude. I don't like myself very much, people tell me that I'm pretty but I have a hard time saying "thank you" to people and accepting compliments when I know they are just trying to be nice.

I was called all the names in the "BOOK" by my older brother growing up so I grew up believing it and when I constantly got picked on in school, elementary and junior high, it just stuck that I was an UGLY person who would never become anything, never get married because I would never be pretty enough to find anyone worth marrying which so far has been true. I made it past 30 and I've still never been married. I've been trying to lose weight and I know I have, the jeans I am wearing right now are too big for me, they fall a little bit when I walk. But I YO-YO so bad it's not even funny, I can't just lose weight and not gain it back. But then again this is all related to my health issues and so I'm stuck being this way.

If anyone has any ideas on how to improve my self esteem I welcome the ideas but I wish you luck. I'm bipolar and ADD too and I don't have the HIGHS from the Bipolar anymore, all I have are the lows, I think that's part of the problem.

Nicole197698

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2008
Wed, 10-22-2008 - 12:38pm

Nicole,

I'm sorry to hear how you are feeling. I do not want to say anything about your situation with your boyfriend because I do not know what you want. Do you wish for a different relationship, or change the current one? If you are not happy, communicate with him and see if there is something you two can do that would make things better.

You covered a wide variety of topics that affect your self esteem. There's a lot of boards here at ivillage, so if you think a group of people working either with the same thing, or towards the same goal would be helpful to you, let me know I and I can find those boards. We have a bipolar board, several health and or fitness boards, family boards, etc. Else you can look around and see if you find anything you like as well.

I would like to know more about what you like, and then what you would like to change as well. I sometimes think self-esteem is all about perspection, an if I can change the way I think, then I can raise or lower it with that change. That of course is much easier said than done. How is it you do you percieve things now? and how would you like to?

Lastly, I like to say welcome to the board! It's always nice to *see* a new face. I hope you are feeling better today about yourself, or just that you have a good day! Feel free to jump in our other threads, we have a few random quizzes below, some questions of the week, and a roll call.

I have some ideas right now, but I would like to hear how you respond first to get a better idea. Everyone is different in how they act and react. Also we have some great advice from other members that tends to pop up if they are about, so if we don't see them, I will try and go dig for some of that as well. :-)

~ RainCL for Self-Esteem Support

"One Step At A Time The World Will Be Traveled"

~ Rain   
       
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2008
Wed, 10-22-2008 - 10:44pm

Hi and thank you for the welcome. I am just "doing" today as I do any day. I am very rarely happy as being bi-polar, I went through the "highs" already and am now STUCK on the "lows." I think I might have to go find that board too.I need a really GOOD shrink who will kick this bi-polar in the butt and find something that will really work for me. Ironically, my boyfriend DOES make me "happy" I just can't really express it the way a "normal" person can, it is just his work schedule right now but I can handle it, some day he'll have time for me...

In regards to what I like? That one is easy. Music. I'm very fond of the 80's and heavy metal from the 90's. I'm also starting to get more into R&B and Hip Hop now too. I also like writing poetry and songs. Or at least I did until I got a severe case of writer's cramp and now I cannot write anything and have not been able to for many years.

I should go visit the diet & fitness boards I guess and see what I can do about my weight, that is part of my self esteem issues and I know it, maybe if I can find a way to lose the weight that will help some but there are no guarantees on that.

Thank You for listening to me ramble tonight Rain, it is much appreciated, I don't have many friends and the ones that I do rarely talk to me anymore so finding someone that will listen is great therapy for me!

Thank You,
Nicole

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2008
Thu, 10-23-2008 - 1:04am

Nicole,


It's no problem about *listening*. I'm pretty much a computer addict, and then I love to check the boards, so don't think twice on rambleing, you just give me something to do while I procrastinate on other things. :-)

~ Rain   
       
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2008
Fri, 10-24-2008 - 9:34am

Thank You for the links to the other boards hon, there are so many boards now, sometimes they are hard to find. And yes I do type on the computer, a lot actually and have written a lot of stuff using the computer, I do find it is easier than using a pen or pencil.

I've lost some weight so that's a good thing, it does help my self esteem so I guess I know where I'm headed and where most of my problem lies. It lies in the weight issues.

Nicole

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2008
Fri, 10-24-2008 - 10:09am

Nicole,

Glad to have helped out with the boards. Ivillage is becoming a larger and larger place somedays. I still am stumbing across new boards or items I never knew existed here before.

I use to say my self esteem has to do with weight, but reflecting back, the scale (or actual wieght) doesn't matter anymore. I feel better about myself just from being more active, and going for what I want to do - which actually is kickboxing, or the gym, or doing well in something, or at work. I, personally, am having trouble with motivation for the last two on the list, because now that I realize I feel good going to kickboxing, and feel good at kickboxing and the gym - it's easier to go and do it. Feeling good while working, or praticing something doesn't happen quite as often. I am having trouble motivating myself by the idea of the end result along, right now I want instantanous contentment. It's hard to break myself of this, but I'm pretty sure it has to do with the season. I always lose my drive about this time. :-)

How are you going to go about helping yourself esteem which you said is connected to your weight issue? If you don't mind me asking.

~ RainCL for Self-Esteem Support

"One Step At A Time The World Will Be Traveled"

~ Rain   
       
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2008
Fri, 10-24-2008 - 11:22am

Well, I am going to go back to my original diet plan if I can find it around here somewhere. I actually used to see a nutritionist who gave me a meal plan and I stuck to it for quite awhile and lost 23lbs in 3 months. I just have to find the plan again. I am actually in a good mood right now so I just might motivate myself to go clean my house which I USUALLY do not have the energy for because I suffer from really bad Fatigue and a lot of other health issues and am tired all the time. I am a little tired now but I am going to fight that and motivate myself to go do something today.

But back to the question at hand, I believe I will join up with one of the diet and fitness boards and try to find my diet plan again, attempt to do my aerobics once i get my bedroom cleaned up again so I can have some room. And continue my walks.

Nicole

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2008
Fri, 10-24-2008 - 12:22pm
Hi Nicole welcome to the board I am a newbie toobut this is a great place to get support I too have alot of work to do on myself I also have medical problems that make it really hard to exercise and get up and go I hope you will come back and post and let us know how you are doing take care ..

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2008
Fri, 10-24-2008 - 8:34pm

I guess we are in the same boat then. :-) I have no energy to get up and do things around the house and my house suffers because of it but I am trying day to day to get stuff done. It does not help that my DS age 7 1/2 will NOT help clean up HIS messes! It is so frustrating!! Any ideas on how I can get ds to help me clean up since I cannot do this on my own?? I just had 2 knee surgeries this year, one in April and the other in late August of this year and I am still recovering, doing well but still recovering and yet I am trying to clean house and go here and there...everywhere!

And then I have my college classes to do which I do in the mornings just so I can get them done right away, believe it or not I am majoring in Psychology. I am a mess!

Nicole