hi, new here. Have no self esteem and..M
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|Tue, 10-21-2008 - 1:04pm|
Hi, my name is Nicole, I'm 32 with 3 kids. I am 5'9" tall and overweight but that's not necessarily the problem. I have ALWAYS had self esteem issues due to abuse of pretty much every kind starting when I was just a little kid going into my adult years. I've never really thought of myself as attractive too much until high school, that's when I got really pretty for awhile, I was a decent size for my body and height and I felt good about myself for ONCE in my life. 14 Years after high school, I got unattractive, I gained 70 pounds and am having a hard time losing it due to health problems, my body is SO messed up, my hypothalmus does not work right, my sympathetic and parasympathetic nerves do not work right due to a rare nerve disease that I have that affects the parasympathetic nerves and there's just a bunch of other health problems. I have a "boyfriend" who works 16-20hrs a day 7 days a week and has NO time for me, we haven't spent ANY time together yet and he emails me once every 3-4 days so having this "boyfriend" kinda puts me into a space that I don't want to be in. It doesn't help my self esteem any, it's nice to finally have a "boyfriend" after not having one for 7 1/2 years but I need one who is going to boost my self esteem. I don't even like looking at myself in the mirror, especially not in the nude. I don't like myself very much, people tell me that I'm pretty but I have a hard time saying "thank you" to people and accepting compliments when I know they are just trying to be nice.
I was called all the names in the "BOOK" by my older brother growing up so I grew up believing it and when I constantly got picked on in school, elementary and junior high, it just stuck that I was an UGLY person who would never become anything, never get married because I would never be pretty enough to find anyone worth marrying which so far has been true. I made it past 30 and I've still never been married. I've been trying to lose weight and I know I have, the jeans I am wearing right now are too big for me, they fall a little bit when I walk. But I YO-YO so bad it's not even funny, I can't just lose weight and not gain it back. But then again this is all related to my health issues and so I'm stuck being this way.
If anyone has any ideas on how to improve my self esteem I welcome the ideas but I wish you luck. I'm bipolar and ADD too and I don't have the HIGHS from the Bipolar anymore, all I have are the lows, I think that's part of the problem.