group situations,

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
group situations,
Wed, 10-22-2008 - 9:53am
hi. i just thought to write here because i am not equipped with required self-esteem i ought to have at the moment. i take part into group activity in where we need to be able to discuss the great things about ourselves. this involves boosting ourselves and other candidates egos. the trouble is that i compare myself to others.. this way i can mostly see what i am lacking in myself. today i found many new things that i totally haven't got whereas others in the group seem to be having many things in life. this in turn has now left me feeling negative and not motivated towards this course work i should be working on.
i refused to boast about my own less great abilities and thought that low key would be better..but got a bit depressed. i feel that i am not able to laugh at myself and act in silly ways and should be able to do it. it feels uncomfortable when everybody does so and i am not keen on going for silly talk in front of other people in the group. so i am the boring one to be around with. i am shy and don't like silly kind of attention..and the leader annoys me a lot. not in all groups but in that activity group...i couldn't tell this to a mate but i had to tell just at least someone....few other people annoy me as well...i am trying to cope with it..cause they 'know everything about everything' but don't seem smart..but..the opposite...and couldn't tell my own opinion cause i don't know how to deal with some people.....i am not sure how come some can make feel as they know my stuff...can they follow me on the net?...i am worried. any type of experiences?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2008
In reply to: wtgal
Wed, 10-22-2008 - 12:54pm

Hello again,

I'm a bit confused on what the group is, and what it is supposed to do - but most groups don't actually work very well in my mind. Someone is always going to stand out, and someone is always going to stand back, and even in groups of friends, or long standing groups, things don't always work perfectly. Personalities aren't always made to line up with everyone else around them. Thus I see interacts much more like free-style dance to music, where everyone is trying to do their own thing, together.

I always try to say "I-something" statements, so that I can make sure I'm speaking only for myself. I also don't like to brag, but saying something you like, or that you do right is not bragging. I try to say it how it is, with offending the least amount of people. If it's positive towards me, then fine, if it's negative, ok. Everyone has good and bad sides, and I rather just be like, 'look this is what I have'. The way I figure, the good with some how some way even out the bad, thus I'm not great nor am I horrible - I'm just a normal person.

Sometimes in groups I use to get annoyed, because the group would devate greatly from what we were doing, and the leader wasn't putting everyone back on track. I, however, did not want to step up, thus I should not have been annoyed. I don't like feeling negative, unless I am going to do something to fix it. If I am not going to fix anything, or try anything, I usually just end up accepting whatever situation I am in. I figure it's a waste of energy to be bothered by something I am not going to bother with. :-)

I am saying, I would probably talk more, however, that's me. There's nothing wrong with not saying much, or not talking at all. Some people talk non-stop, others don't say a word. If we compare the two, can we really say one is right and one is wrong? They are just different, not good, not bad. And the more I am around others, the more I can find similarites and differences. I don't want to belittle the other person by saying I am right, but there is no reason to belitting myself by saying I am wrong - I just focus on the similarites, and just let the differences be something that makes the world a bit more interesting. Having billons of copies of myself walking around would drive me up a wall. :-)

When's the next time your group meets? I hope you update us on how it goes.

~ RainCL for Self-Esteem Support

"One Step At A Time The World Will Be Traveled"

~ Rain   
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
In reply to: wtgal
Wed, 10-22-2008 - 3:12pm

i'm exactly the same way; i hate group situations where you have to talk yourself up. when it's my turn, i always say something stupid, like "i have nice hair". i agree that situations like that can be really depressing if you're not superficial, but how do you know that the other people aren't lying? also, i used to always compare myself to other people, but then i realized that we're all the same. (e.g., the girl sitting next to you in your group might