codependent and confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2008
codependent and confused
12
Fri, 11-14-2008 - 2:21am

My therapist says that I'm co-dependent (not the first time I've been told that either) and that while there is nothing wrong with doing things for other people I can't let it consume my life. I have to find those things that make me happy and fulfilled so that I can continue to be helpful to others. Problem: I have no idea anymore what makes me happy. I have acted this way for so long that doing things for other people is what makes me happy - and a complete mental wreck all at the same time. I get frustrated, and sometimes angry, so easily that nothing is fun for me any more. I'm so busy with working full time and pursing a master's degree full time and running errands and taking care of my pets and my

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2007
Fri, 11-14-2008 - 6:03am

Hi,

You are doing a lot! Things will fall into place one you have your masters degree. You'll have more time to just relax and enjoy. I wish for you to get everything you want, a family and happiness. Make sure you are sleeping enough during the night and that you are taking good care of your health and yourself. I would be so proud of myself if I could do all the things you are doing!!! I too love making people happy.

Maria.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2008
Fri, 11-14-2008 - 11:50am

Welcome to the board.


Try making a list of things you want, and then maybe brain storming how to accomplish that. I have a very long running list of things I'd like to get done before I die. They are little things, like running a mile maybe, or drawing a picture - but they are important to me.

~ Rain   
       
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Fri, 11-14-2008 - 11:52am
sounds like you're having a quarter-life crisis! i agree with maria that things will fall into place when you're done with school. i wonder if your college has an extracurricular music group that you could join. if you love kids you could babysit; i know there are a lot of parents out there who would love to have an older, reliable babysitter. and for intellectual conversation, how about a reading group? i think our barnes & noble has book discussions; maybe yours does, too (or maybe your school or library does). and if you want to go to church, go to church! if you really enjoy it you shouldn't deny yourself. besides, people will only judge you
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
Sun, 11-16-2008 - 10:14am

hello angel,


I agree there's nothing wrong with wanting to help people.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2008
Sun, 11-16-2008 - 7:30pm

Angel,


When I started reading your message, I thought she sounds so much like me. All of my life I have been doing for others and my profession is in the service industry. My best days are those when I am able to fulfill a need for one of my client's that they otherwise would not have been able to obtain. It is so easy to get lost in the "serving" of others. The million dollar question- How to be happy? First, think about the other things that you have experienced in life that have given you that happy feeling? Was there a hobby when you were young, a particular group or activity that you enjoyed where you were able to exhibit your strengths and talents? When you think about Church and returning there, is that wrong turn you talked about something that you think is so terrible that you can not repent of it and God in His infinite power - forgive and restore you to Him? A complete life has to have a healthy balance of service, being served, using your gifts, and recognizing that you have the ability to socialize. Don't you think that once you join a group- no more than once a week maybe one hour in length, that you will have the opportunity to meet people who can enrich your life? Remember that being happy does not come in a neat little package that you open up like a box of chocolates. We have to search ourselves, develop an appreciation for the person that we are so that we can effectively sell ourselves to others. There is someone out there looking for as well!

Faith Hope And Charity. The Greatest of these is Love!
Faith Hope And Charity. The Greatest of these is Love!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2008
Sun, 11-16-2008 - 10:15pm

min.v,


Welcome to the board!

~ Rain   
       
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2008
Tue, 11-18-2008 - 12:19pm

The church that I went to as a child, teen, and young adult was a very conservative church. We were taught to not judge people but that is exactly what the church does. They will call people from the congregation out on their sins in public - particularly those sins that are most private. Married people who have committed adultery have been called before the church for public confession and forgiveness. I witnessed this a few times and it scared me. I've never been married but I have had pre-marital sex, a.k.a. fornication, on more than one occasion. I don't want those good people - many of whom are still my friends - to know these things about me. I wouldn't be able to handle the disappointment on their faces.


That is why I don't go to church.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Tue, 11-18-2008 - 9:18pm


Check out this site...I wounder if you need to heal. You seem to be stuck in a critical parent role. perhaps you learned to be that way in order to survive in other more dark and difficult times.

http://joy2meu.com/Innerchildhealing.html

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Tue, 11-18-2008 - 9:47pm

I have read and and am starting t0 believe that often when we are unhappy it is because we have lost ourselves. Often trauma's or stresses cause us to act in way to protect ourselves but we can become stuck in these roles and essentially loose track of our true selves. Some refer to that piece as our inner child. Being happy can often mean rediscovering that part of us we have lost touch with and breaking the roles we adopted to allowed us to survive but once the situation changes no longer serve us well.

I think the Taoists are referring to the same thing when they speak of happiness coming from finding our natural path.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2007
Thu, 11-20-2008 - 12:08pm

I think that as soon as you're wondering how to be happy that you've lost the path to it ... and maybe you need to stop and find it right where you are.

Northkountry          

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