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|Sun, 11-30-2008 - 4:18pm|
I've been looking around this message board for a while but have only just gotten up the courage to post here.
I'm Jackie and I'm 21 years old. I've been wrestling with my self esteem issues since I was a little girl but have always managed to have a brave face about it. Although a bit of a loner, I've always had friends and people to depend on. I feel like I'm a loner because I don't trust a lot of people. Most people compliment me on a day to day basis because "I have a great, bubbly personality". I feel like I'm always overcompensating because I always feel like crying. I don't really like the person I am. I have terrible body image, can't seem to have a decent relationship with the opposite sex, and would rather be by myself than worry about what a I look like for other people. I get this constant, agonizing feeling that people are constantly judging. Sometimes it's a little hard to breath.
Beyond being a person that other people love, I want to love myself. I want to go to sleep at night knowing that I did all I can to be the best person I can be. I want to stop taking care of everyone else and start doing things that will better me for a change. I want to be healthy and strong (physically and mentally). I REALLY don't want to care what people think anymore.
Anyway, beyond this board I plan on starting group and individual therapy sessions. It's hard to admit you need help and can't handle it all alone but I'm ready to concede a little. Hopefully this board will help and I'm really looking forward to getting to know all of you. :-)