New-combo of things........

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2004
New-combo of things........
Tue, 12-02-2008 - 11:29am
Hi All-
Been meaning to post here for quite some time. I have been feeling rather crappy do to life experiences that have happened. My life has always been difficult, as a child I became an overnight caregiver to my mother, who was ill for as long as I can remember. My father had left the scene at the same time. That was a long time ago, and she is gone now 12 yrs. My father is still alive and that wound is still there, if you know what I mean. I do have a relationship of sorts with him, he lives far away which in some ways which helps. I have a fantastic husband that I am with close to 30 yrs. I got married young and was told that we would never make it. There was always critical stuff being thrown at me so I guess my self esteem wasn't too great it took me a while to realize that not everyone is like this, my husband for one and I thank God that I have him. So now I almost feel guilty for feeling like this at times. It's amazing how our childhood can affect us even later on in the years. I also have a son, who is grown and a pleasure to be around. I had a lot of negativity surrounding me while raising him and it's amazing he turned out ok.
I work with special needs children and had a great job a couple of years back working one on one with an autistic child. I did every thing I could to help him and even helped out with the family. I ended up getting kind of kicked in the hind end, and it shot my self esteem way down and I am frustrated that this has bothered me so much, it is like grieving a death if that makes any sense. His Mom has called me numerous times telling me how "great" I am, guess she didn't realize what I did til I was out of there. I know it is difficult for her and she had a lot of things going on. He is now doing well, so that makes me feel better.
I guess my question is, how do you get past all of the times you get knocked down? I would think considering all I went through that it would be a piece of cake. I have turned down jobs because of the fear of this happening again and I get angry with myself. I am now considering going back to school or something. I am sponsoring a special needs child this Christmas that lives in a facility. I am excited about shopping as it is a little girl. So I guess that is a start......
Thanks for reading this and I know it is long and wonder if it even makes any sense. I wish all of you the best!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Wed, 12-03-2008 - 8:46am

it sort of makes sense :) but what happened with your job? i don't think it's easy to get over the junk that happens to us as children, because it becomes interwoven into our character (like how you said the criticism affected your self-esteem) but i don't think that it hurts as much as the stuff you go through as an adult. i know that as adults we often take responsibility for things that are beyond our control. do you blame yourself for how your job turned out? maybe that's why it bothers you so much. i was laid off a few years ago and it still hurts a little. with every job i've had since then i've been afraid of being laid off again. but i know that i'll survive. so will you. write down what you would do if you lost your job again. come up with an alternate plan. it's one of the best ways of dealing with your fears.

i don't really know how to get past the stuff that knocked you down; i don't think anybody truly gets over anything. but i feel that time does help us forget. if there's something that happened to you years ago that you can't let go of,

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
Wed, 12-03-2008 - 10:31am

Welcome jc162.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2008
Wed, 12-03-2008 - 11:55am

Jc, Welcome to the board.

I'm sorry to hear things have been hard. I'm a bit confused to what happened when you worked with special needs children but I get the just of it. Doing things like that is sometimes difficult because alot of people have alot of opinions.

I think it's great you are sponsoring a child. I hope that goes well and it is a good start.

I'm not sure if this is helpful or not, but I've been checking into books lately, and there's one I picked up called "Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life." I'm not all the way through it yet, but I find it very helpful, and it's not just a 'do this' it states why we do something, and has several 'studies' which I like.

Sometimes I have to challenge my own thinking because even when I mess up, fail, etc, the person that causes it to be the most problemsome is me. Instead of using those things to learn from, I might dwell on them. I am slowly coming to realize no one is perfect, but I also had to realize No one is a failure (or worthless, not good enough, etc) either. We all have things we do right, and do wrong - for me alot of my rights and wrongs end up dependant on luck which isn't always the greatest.

I hope things are going well for you now. It's nice to meet you, and you might find some helpful information on some of the other threads here too by the way.

~ RainCL for Self-Esteem Support

"One Step At A Time The World Will Be Traveled"

~ Rain