Almost no self-esteem

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2004
Almost no self-esteem
6
Mon, 12-08-2008 - 5:30pm
I feel as though I have pretty much no self-esteem. I don't hold myself in any sort of high regard and as a result I feel depressed most of the time. I guess it stems from being ostricised (sp?) by a group of mean girls when I was in elementary school and from then on I've never felt I was good enough or ever would be. I was always the chubby girl and even when I lost weight still felt (and do continue) to feel that way. I was good in school which felt like my only saving grace, but of course I still wasn't the best and didn't get into the college I really wanted to go to which was devastating. In college I tried really hard to make friends and be popular, but I just never seem to fit in with people and was rejected from all of the sororities I wanted to get into, of course again devastating. Now I'm applying to graduate school after a failed career in journalism and it's driving me crazy. The GRE's were awful for me and now I have to take them again because as usual I wasn't good enough on the first try. Now I'm just worried about getting into any schools because I feel like even with good grades in college and hopefully decent scores there will just be something about me that's not good enough to get in. And if I don't get in I have no idea what to do because I can't seem to find any jobs other than waitressing, which I did for a while this year, and I really don't want to go back to that after all of the work I have put into my education.
So I don't know what to do. How do you get your self esteem back when it seems like the world has constantly chipped away at it and always told you that you're just not good enough? It feels like no matter what I do I'm always going to feel like an outcast and a loser. Please help, I can't go on like this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2008
Tue, 12-09-2008 - 12:35pm

Finding jobs right now is really hard, so there are alot of people who can relate. Having to go through those things will girls, and not being considered 'good enough' by the greek sororities probably took a dramatic toll as well. I know when I am not considered good enough to do something it always hurts - but I also have come to realize there are other things out there, and usually I like to tell myself that it was for the better anyway. I don't really want to be apart of something that doesn't allow people to join in.


I'm not sure if you are able to or not, but you might want to think about finding a theripist or councilor to talk to. I have found that greatly helpful before and am currently talking to one yet again because of troubles I have been having with managing. They might help in overcoming the effects of those past incidences and not letting the current poor economy get you down. Like I said, finding a job right now is difficult in itself.

~ Rain   
       
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
Wed, 12-10-2008 - 11:08am

Welcome.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Sat, 12-13-2008 - 2:13pm

hi there,


i read you post and all i can say is hang in there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2008
Sun, 12-14-2008 - 11:45am

Kate,


Welcome to the board!


I believe in alot of what you said, and I agree that the 'high-schoolish' drama seems to stick around long after high school. I'm glad you found supportive and sencere

~ Rain   
       
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2008
Sun, 12-14-2008 - 9:50pm
i dont know how old you are but as a teen i felt the same way too kidz pickd on me and every kid feel low some time if not all the time it's just their brina and soul trying to find it slef and where they be long in the world every one come's to theri onw in ther right time just be your self
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2008
Mon, 12-15-2008 - 12:06am

>>>Just do what make's you feel happy w/out hurting any one elas even if that means be loney sometimes hold your head up and be your one bethful you self and make miskecs and have the ability to forgive your self<<<

I have to say this is a pretty strong statement, and it's a really good one too. We all need to hold our heads up high and be proud of who we are, because who we are is what makes us, well, us. lol.

Welcome to the board! I hope you join in other threads as well. You made a great point. :-)

~ Rain
~ Rain