I really don’t think ekatie was trying to be harsh or critical.
I just wanted to add a bit more. As a teacher, one thing you see is how parents' expectations of their students are so incredibly predictive of a the student's achievement. I think it is the same with parenting and emotional development. If we expect our children to grow up with the same troubles we have had, we may inadvertently do many things that make our expectations come true! With my son, I am often obsessed with the goal of helping him grow up with a strong self-esteem because I do not want him to grow up with the intense pain that my low self-esteem has brought me. I often protect him from hurt and I have on many occasions talked with him about rejection experiences he has had in an effort to make sure his self-esteem is intact. What I've learned often is that he is not ME! He often doesn't see something as being negative toward him and doesn't really care about things as much as I think he would if he had low self-esteem. So I realize I have actually projected onto him my problems wiht self-esteem when in reality he is his own person with his own experiences. I feel like my overconcern with his self-esteem is really more of a problem than a help because I'm treating him as if I EXPECT him to have low self-esteem. Also, do you think kids with good self-esteem really have parents doting over their self-esteem issues???? I doubt it :-) Does this make sense?? I just thought it might give you something else to consider.
I think you probably intended for your response to go to lovingsoul2009, but I am glad that you clicked my member name, which alerted me to such a wonderful reply.