Helping the pain......

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2009
Helping the pain......
6
Sat, 05-09-2009 - 2:52pm

Hi.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2008
Sun, 05-10-2009 - 12:24pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2009
Sun, 05-10-2009 - 8:24pm
This is why I always hesitate before posting.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2009
Mon, 05-11-2009 - 8:51pm
I feel I can very much relate to w hat you are saying about your daughter. I have a son and I feel the same way. I also thought the first response was a little harsh!!!!Geez, we come her looking for acceptance and you get slapped in the face with stuff you obviously already know and are trying to get out of! Anyway, just wanted to say I hear you. You seem very intelligent and like you ARE taking some steps to help yourself and your daughter. I am going to write more later, buy I just wanted to write this now so you didn't feel like you are alone with and judged for your feelings and actions which are totally legit.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
Tue, 05-12-2009 - 9:43am

I really don’t think ekatie was trying to be harsh or critical.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2009
Wed, 05-13-2009 - 9:18pm

I just wanted to add a bit more. As a teacher, one thing you see is how parents' expectations of their students are so incredibly predictive of a the student's achievement. I think it is the same with parenting and emotional development. If we expect our children to grow up with the same troubles we have had, we may inadvertently do many things that make our expectations come true! With my son, I am often obsessed with the goal of helping him grow up with a strong self-esteem because I do not want him to grow up with the intense pain that my low self-esteem has brought me. I often protect him from hurt and I have on many occasions talked with him about rejection experiences he has had in an effort to make sure his self-esteem is intact. What I've learned often is that he is not ME! He often doesn't see something as being negative toward him and doesn't really care about things as much as I think he would if he had low self-esteem. So I realize I have actually projected onto him my problems wiht self-esteem when in reality he is his own person with his own experiences. I feel like my overconcern with his self-esteem is really more of a problem than a help because I'm treating him as if I EXPECT him to have low self-esteem. Also, do you think kids with good self-esteem really have parents doting over their self-esteem issues???? I doubt it :-) Does this make sense?? I just thought it might give you something else to consider.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
Thu, 05-14-2009 - 9:32am

I think you probably intended for your response to go to lovingsoul2009, but I am glad that you clicked my member name, which alerted me to such a wonderful reply.