my self-esteem is in the ditch.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2009
my self-esteem is in the ditch.
4
Sun, 05-31-2009 - 1:17am

I didn't know where to write this down or get it off my chest, but I have such poor confidence. I fell ill the year after I got married, had to quit my job that I loved and couldn't work anymore. Therefore the couch sitting, tube watching gained me a load of weight, made me even more depressed, and my husband left me.

Since then I've finally divorced and moved back "home" after several years. I haven't dated, and am scared to death. I'll be going on a trip soon to meet someone in person that I've known for quite some time via the net and phone. Trust isn't an issue for my safety while there, I just don't know if I trust myself to carry confidence and keep it. And the icing on the cake is that I haven't had sex in too many years and may have the opportunity soon. This I'm really freaked about as I haven't been naked in front of another soul but my ex of 16yrs...whoa nellie!

I'm working on my health and getting off a lot of medications, but am in the process of trying to find a therapist of some type to help me with such issues. Anyone have any advice to be that heavier girl who has confidence and still feel open-minded and surrender to the flow? (I have begun losing weight, working out is terribly difficult due to chronic pain)

Wow, I can't believe I got that out. My illness already includes depression and anxiety, which I had before I became ill...now it's just to the point where I need to work on this part too. I've lived a completely solo lifestyle for the past several years even while married, so now integrating w/family and making new friends is sometimes overwhelming.

Thank you for letting me spill the beans...it sort of feels better just to have written it out.

Avatar for cmkarla
Administrator
Registered: 01-03-2001
Wed, 06-03-2009 - 7:56am

Hi and Welcome! It sounds like you're headed in the right direction already by working on improving your health. Have you started on a dieting/exercise program to help with the weight and relieve stress?

Karla
Community ModeratoriVillage.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2009
Wed, 06-03-2009 - 10:58am

Thanks for the good words! The exercise part is where it gets tricky as I broke my foot in September, had surgery in December and I'm still having serious problems with my foot and now my hip from the injury. The chronic fatigue and pain from the fibromyalgia has not helped in the exercise department either.

I have just purchased a yoga dvd I thought that might be a good place to start. Nothing I would love more than a good walk...it's been far too long for that.

Thanks again:)

Avatar for cmkarla
Administrator
Registered: 01-03-2001
Wed, 06-03-2009 - 3:58pm

Yep, I've heard Yoga is the place to start as it helps with anxiety, depression AND it's exercise. What DVD did you get? You'll have to update us on how it's going. :)







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Karla
Community ModeratoriVillage.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
Wed, 06-03-2009 - 6:16pm

Welcome yoursweetone.