Passive Aggressive

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2006
Passive Aggressive
6
Tue, 06-02-2009 - 2:38pm
Unfortunately, I can admit that I am passive aggressive.
I, like many of you, do not like to argue. Especially publically
Whenever conflicts arise, what I like to do is chill by myself and think about how I would like to handle the conflict.
I usually approach the person (s) try and come to a mutual solution.
If, however, a mutual solution isn't reached, I move on. Usually, I don't remain in contact with people I've had arguements with. (no hard feelings, just a bit of a perfectionist)
If I bump into that person on the streets, I'll speak and make small tall, but that's it.
Let's say I am not getting along with someone who I'm connected to professionally, I'll try, but the tention is, say obvious?
I am, passive aggressive.
How can I grown up? lol
How to effectively handle conflict?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2007
Tue, 06-02-2009 - 4:11pm
Hi! Your having the same problem as me. Only I'm more passive than agressive. I'm actually reading a book that I bought called The Assertive Woman. It's assertive is what you want to be. I need to be assertive too. It talks about assertiveness, agression, passivity and passive-agressive. I personally think though, that passive-agressive is ok sometimes. Everyone can't be one way all the time. Sometimes it's even ok to be agressive to certain people. Only it depends on the person and how they are. You don't want to be agressive with someone who's a robber or someone who has an anger problem. But if people ask you to do unreasonable favours and you know them, you know there not the agressive type, I think it might be a good time to get a little agressive with that person. Mind you, using words, not getting physical. But mainly though, being assertive is the right and mostly better way of handling conflics. You can buy books on Assertiveness in stores or get them at the library. I'm also in councelling for assertiveness. With that, I'm looking for places where I can get some training. There's alot to go with being assertive. There's body language and all that stuff. People can tell by how your acting, your behaviour if your assertive, passive, agressive or passive-agressive. I tend to have passive body language alot. I'm trying to get rid of it, but I have to practice with real situations. Just because, it's hard to find places that do training on that particular subject. Well I just wanted to give my opinion on your post, thought I'd help you out a bit.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
Tue, 06-02-2009 - 4:52pm

I agree with babydiva, that sometimes passive aggressive can be useful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Wed, 06-03-2009 - 8:24am
what you're describing isn't passive-aggressive. passive-aggressiveness is where you express your anger indirectly, say, by sabotaging someone else's plans because you're mad at them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2007
Wed, 06-03-2009 - 4:23pm
n2ishn do you have a learning disability? I'm just wondering because you said it takes you a while to process a behaviour or statement after everyone else already talked about it. I have that problem too and I have a learning disability. Do learning disabiltiies have anything to do with being assertive?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
Wed, 06-03-2009 - 6:46pm

ROFLOL.....Just to demonstrate how I process a little slower....when I read your first statement, I thought...."Oh no, did I offend someone?"

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2007
Wed, 06-03-2009 - 9:43pm
Ya, ok.