How to let go when he's already gone

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2009
How to let go when he's already gone
26
Mon, 09-21-2009 - 12:26pm

I know the obvious thing to do is to let go seeing as though it's over, but what do you do when you're not actually letting go?

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2009
Tue, 09-22-2009 - 8:35am
i don't know if it's possible to truly ever get over someone. i think it's something in our nature, something that makes us hold on to the past for some reason. maybe you are trying to forcefully purge him from your system, i.e. erase him completely? (like in 'eternal sunshine of the spotless mind'.) but it's only been 2 months. there is a strategy for coping with anxiety that i have to use sometimes that maybe would also work for you. when i am really worried about something i have to set aside 30 minutes or an hour a day as worry time, where i only think about what's bothering me. maybe you can do this, too - designate a set period of time, at the same time every day, where you will only think about your ex and nothing else. i feel that the more we try not to think about something, the more we end up thinking about it. (it's kind of like being on a diet and not allowing yourself to have chocolate - you just end up wanting it more.) does this make sense to you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2009
Tue, 09-22-2009 - 11:31pm
It does.
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
Wed, 09-23-2009 - 11:13pm

I think there's something in all of us, male or female, that just has a really hard time being rejected.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2009
Thu, 09-24-2009 - 7:22pm

I agree and I have definitely started to redirect my focus.

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
Fri, 09-25-2009 - 3:42pm

You've done all the work....and just think.....your thread may help the next person with a similar concern.


Congratulations with moving forward!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2009
Sat, 09-26-2009 - 9:30am

Oh, I can empathize! When I was very young (late teens, a decade ago), I met a boy who forever broke my heart. It seems as I lived a lifetime since it happened and the wound in my heart is still there. I think I am a fairly well adjusted person and I cannot tell you how many times a month I find myself not only thinking about him but cyber stalking him, which as we know, is so easy these days with multitude of social networking sites. Needless to say, it doesn't help me because it keeps re-opening the wounds.

I sincerely hope that things will get better for you. The advise above is all good advice. I can only add that the more busy you'll keep, the better off you'll be. You know, taking on that pt job may be a good idea right now. Reading self-help books, starting a new hobby (scrapbooking was for me, I started at 22- lol), meeting friends, even watching tv and browsing the net (but no cyber stalking!). Time helps to heal, such a cliche but it is so true.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
Sat, 09-26-2009 - 11:29am

Your post prompted a thought.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2009
Sat, 09-26-2009 - 11:13pm
You're right.
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2009
Mon, 09-28-2009 - 7:47am
glad we could help; that's what we're here for :) what cake-decorating class did you sign up for? i took a couple of them last year and they were a lot of fun.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2009
Mon, 09-28-2009 - 8:00am
not to uncover that wound for you, but when you think about your ex, do you always think about the same situations over and over again? (just wondering.)

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